My almost legal age crisis

 I do not know what to think, what to say, where to go, etc... All i know is there is a force keeping me from letting myself free. I am trapped in my own mind, in my own thoughts. Pen and paper are the only friends that i can trust. They will not judge, they will not sneer, they will only listen.. And they will catch the tears, calm the storm, free my spirit. But. It only lasts for a few moments.. And then thoughts clutter my mind once again and the whole cycle starts again. Sometimes i have the courage to break out of this shell, to finally talk.. But no one is there to listen. Or at least that's what i feel. I feel like i don't deserve to be listened too.. I am only here to listen, not to talk.. To catch but not to throw.. Because i feel a heavy cross on my shoulders.. Though no one else but myself put it there. I filled my plate way too much, i'm full but i still wanted more.. And more.. And more. But i never wanted this.. It was just a pull way too strong and a voice in my head way too powerful.. Am i to be blamed for my mistakes? Yes. Because this is my life.. I guess i didn't learn responsibility because there were people always there to take them off my shoulders.. Because i had people waiting on me.. I trust too much and that's what put me here. But then i say that i don't trust easily... Ah, let's put it this way. I don't trust easily, but when i do, i trust fully.. Maybe that's why. I thought, when i get to this age i will be unstoppable. I will be matured, eloquent, a leader... But then, maturity doesn't with age, it comes with time..