[10.21.23]

Get ready for another head-banging night as No Ego Ph and KAO Manila gives you another installment of our pre-halloween celebrations💥

 🥂 🎉🥂

For inquiries and table reservation contact us at +639171224210 or reservations@kaonightclub.com 

#KAOManila

#NewportWorldResorts

#NewportMall

#PartyAtNWR 

#DiscoverNWR 

🎉 Party but keep it safe! 🎉 Are you ready for the Biggest Cosplay & Music Festival? Howlers Manila is keeping everyone safe with these House Rules. Be sure to read them. 🙌🏠

Wala ka pang Ticket? Check Out Na beshy koo 🔥

Official Website: howlersmanila.com

Ticketmelon: https://www.ticketmelon.com/vamosph/howlers-manila

Slash: https://slashevent.com/e/howlers-manila-2.0

Ticketmax: https://www.ticketmax.ph/.../howlers-manila-20-costume.../

#Howlersmanila

#Howlerstransformation

#Cosplaymusicfestival 

#NeutoGameGuild #Neuto #NGGInfluencer

October 17, Manila, Philippines – Global apparel retailer UNIQLO recently announced that it will launch a second collaboration collection with Japanese outdoor clothing brand White Mountaineering. This new LifeWear features recycled materials in two outerwear styles for people of all ages.

Recycled Hybrid Down Jacket

Php 4,990 (three colors available)

This jacket is filled with recycled down and feathers, sourced from used garments that customers have donated to stores. The sleeves and upper back employ padding to ensure warmth and ease of movement, while the wave quilting design enables stylish layering. The garment also features excellent water repellency and heat retention properties.

Fleece Full-Zip Long Sleeve Hoodie

Php 2,990 (four colors available)

A parka that includes a fleece component made from 100% recycled polyester, combining long-layered boa fleece and a smooth-surface fleece material. The garment’s convenient features include pockets on the left chest and waist, size adjusters at the hem, and binder cuffs that make rolling up the sleeves easy.

Collection details

Launch date: Friday, October 13, 2023

Availability: Select UNIQLO stores and uniqlo.com

Sizes: Recycled Hybrid Down Jacket (S-XL) ; Fleece Full-Zip Long Sleeve Hoodie (S-XL)

Special site: https://www.uniqlo.com/ph/en/special-feature/special-collaboration/white-mountaineering/23fw 

* Please check the product details column on the product purchase page for the percentage of recycled material used in products.

White Mountaineering

Founder Yosuke Aizawa was born in 1977. He launched the White Mountaineering brand in 2006 after graduating from the Department of Product and Textile Design at Tama Art University. He has presented collections at Paris Fashion Week since 2016, and continues to design for various international brands. He is an affiliate professor at Tama Art University and Tohoku University of Art and Design.

About RE.UNIQLO

RE.UNIQLO is UNIQLO's initiative to recycle and reuse all of its merchandise. Through this program, UNIQLO collects garments worn by customers and distributes them to people in need around the world, including at refugee camps and in disaster-stricken areas. Unwearable clothing is recycled into fuel or materials including clothing. The Recycled Hybrid Down Jacket represents a new RE.UNIQLO initiative to recycle clothing into clothing. 

#####

About UNIQLO LifeWear

Apparel that comes from the Japanese values of simplicity, quality and longevity. Designed to be of the time and for the time, LifeWear is made with such modern elegance that it becomes the building blocks of each individual’s style. A perfect shirt that is always being made more perfect. The simplest design hiding the most thoughtful and modern details. The best in fit and fabric made to be affordable and accessible to all. LifeWear is clothing that is constantly being innovated, bringing more warmth, more lightness, better design, and better comfort to people’s lives.

About UNIQLO and Fast Retailing

UNIQLO is a brand of Fast Retailing Co., Ltd., a leading Japanese retail holding company with global headquarters in Tokyo, Japan. UNIQLO is the largest of eight brands in the Fast Retailing Group, the others being GU, Theory, PLST, Comptoir des Cotonniers, Princesse tam.tam, J Brand and Helmut Lang. With global sales of approximately 2.77 trillion yen for the 2023 fiscal year ending August 31, 2023 (US $18.92 billion, calculated in yen using the end of August 2023 rate of $1 = 146.2 yen), Fast Retailing is one of the world’s largest apparel retail companies, and UNIQLO is Japan’s leading specialty retailer. 

UNIQLO continues to open large-scale stores in some of the world's most important cities and locations, as part of its ongoing efforts to solidify its status as a global brand. Today the company has a total of more than 2,400 UNIQLO stores across the world, including Japan, Asia, Europe and North America. The total number of stores across Fast Retailing's brands is now close to 3,600.

With a corporate statement committed to changing clothes, changing conventional wisdom and change the world, Fast Retailing is dedicated to creating great clothing with new and unique value to enrich the lives of people everywhere.  For more information about UNIQLO and Fast Retailing, please visit www.uniqlo.com and www.fastretailing.com.

 [10.14.23] 

Excited to announce that I'll be at Howlers Manila Cosplay & Music Festival 2.0, the ultimate cosplay and music festival happening at Circuit Makati this coming Oct. 21st! 

Join me to step into a realm of cosplay magic as the event features a mesmerizing Cosplay Kingdom where we can unleash our creative powers and bring our favorite characters to life. Don't miss out on this extraordinary fusion of costumes, music, and pure joy! Mark your calendars and get ready to embark on an unforgettable journey.See you there! ✨💖

For more updates and details, check out the official Howlers Manila 2.0 Facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/howlersmanila/

#HowlersManila #CosKingdom #Cosplaymusicfestival #NeutoGameGuild #Neuto #NGGInfluencer

Get yourself this Twibbonize frame at twb.nz/howlersmanilacosplay

Don't forget to follow @twibbonize for further updates!

#twibbonize

Today’s supposed to be my 10th death anniversary. 

Instead, I am writing this blog post and reflecting on the past decade that I never expected to experience. 

But before anything else, let me share this story with you. Maybe you can relate, somehow, or maybe you’d understand why, finally. 

Now, I don’t remember where or when it started, for at this point it feels like it has always been a part of me. I do remember certain “points”;

like when I told point blank that I was no longer pretty;or 

that time when I was asked why I was no longer bubbly by the very same person who was the reason why I was no longer bubbly; or 

being publicly disowned by a parental figure; 

Etc etc

So yeah. I can probably summarize this as “I’m broken goods, wanted potential and no amount of kintsugi would ever repair me, even though I am trying.”

And you can stop reading here. 

Should you wish to continue, please note that this may be triggering to people and I will not be responsible for any of it. Take this as your TW as I won’t repeat it again. 

I was 14 when I first actively thought about my weight. 

I have mentioned it here multiple times.. I have genetic hypothyroidism, I got it from my biological mother. 

For as long I can remember, people around me always mentioned that I should be mindful of my weight because due to my hypothyroidism, I now have a predisposition to gain weight… just like my mother. 

Gaining weight seemed to be the worst thing a teenage girl could do. It’s taboo, disgusting, unsightly. 

That wasn’t the time I first tried to starve myself, though. That comes way later. 

But the seed has been planted, and little did I know, that thought would grow and grow and grow slowly but surely. 

I dabbled in modeling back in college, when I felt invincible and beautiful and pretty much perfect. 

I knew I was smart, I knew how to use makeup, I had an amazing fashion sense, and I was surrounded by the right people. Girls with beauty and brains. Guys with chivalry and a good head on their shoulders. I was part of the student council, of the ROTC, of the theatre club. I had everything going for me. 

So I added modeling into the mix. I went to my first photoshoots which went amazing. I built my portfolio and sought out connections. 

Then, I went to my very first actual, professional go-seem for a real modeling job. 

That’s where I heard words that nourished the teeny tiny sapling in my mind. 

“Maganda ka sana, but we’re looking for someone who weighs a little less.”

I was 16, 5’3, and weighed 52kg (114 lbs). 

I decided to workout the very next day. 

One workout turned to daily workouts, 30 minutes jogs turned to 2 hour runs at dawn, avoiding soda turned to eating bread instead of rice which turned to only eating once a day, and that morphed into only having soy milk and orange juice as “safe foods”.

Don’t get me wrong, I still ate, but only when I was back home at the province. Only when I was with friends. Only when there was someone bound to notice. Only when there was someone paying attention. Only when I was bingeing at 3AM when everyone’s asleep and I can vomit it all out in peace after. 

I broke off from my friends, ruined my reputation as a class and year representative, irked a few dormmates, begged to shift courses and change schools for a fresh start, felt like things were getting a bit better, but then everything fell apart. 

I stopped going to classes, I stopped talking to people, I obsessed about the numbers on the tape measure, the sizes of the clothes, the numbers on the weighing scale. At the same time, my then boyfriend was cheating on me left, right, and center. Was I not good enough? Maybe I need to go on another run. I was also keeping up a facade that I was doing good and that everything was just fine. Would I gain weight from all these carbs? I don’t deserve to eat. I have to get it out but I just can’t seem to purge it all out. I couldn’t sleep, I had to know how much weight I gained. My shorts seem a bit tighter, I probably should add another lap to my run later. I don’t have to sleep, I’ll go out and run in a couple hours anyway. The bed seems to dimple a bit more than usual, did I gain weight? I wasn’t able to squeeze between those two people in the bus, did I gain weight? My legs look bulky in that photo, did I gain weight? I can’t see my thigh gap in these pants, did I gain weight? Yesterday I weighed under 100 lbs, the scale now says 101, is that just water weight? Does ice make me gain weight?

I’m such a failure, I can’t lose this fat belly pouch. I can’t go past 100 crunches, I feel like I’m drowning, I can’t breathe, why am I such a disappointment? I want to go one more lap but I feel like the world is collapsing around me, why did my vision go black? Okay, head between knees I can’t die yet, I gotta lose a couple more pounds. Why am I such a loser? I only needed ice in my Big Gulp cup, why did I get red tea? There’s too much calories in this but I am so hungry. I gotta go home and do my laundry, no need to hire a cab or use the elevator, I need to burn more calories. 

I’m so tired, I’m so, so, so tired. 

I’m so hungry, those cherries look so good, just 100 grams, I’ll make it last through the week. 

Who am I kidding? My tummy hurts so bad, I’m so bloated, I shouldn’t have eaten all those sweets. Would Papa still send me extra money? I’ve asked thrice this week. I need to get all of these out before it turns to fat cells. 

How many calories does a mochi ice cream have? Nanay bought me a couple clothes, they fit weird. I gained weight again? I can’t run here, people might see me and how much weight I’ve gained. 

Why am I still doing this? I’m never going to reach my goal weight. I might as well end it. Tita asked me if I’m doing okay, of course I am, why wouldn’t I be? I have everything that I could ever want. 

The library is looking for the books I borrowed, my friends are looking for the stuff I borrowed, my phone is blowing up but I don’t have the energy to face anyone or anything right now. 

If I sleep, will all of this go away? Yes, sleep, I’ll just sleep. When I’m asleep I can’t hear the ringtones, when I’m asleep I can’t eat, I can’t drink, I can’t gain weight for sure. I’m just going to sleep. But I can’t just lay here, I need to burn off a couple more calories than my BMR. 

I don’t want to do this anymore. I’m so tired. I don’t belong anywhere. My friends hate me, my family is disappointed in me, my maternal side is too busy with their own problems, my paternal side can’t understand why I’m failing, my dormmates are disgusted by me, no one wants me here. 

No one wants me here.

No one cares for me here. 

Maybe I should just leave. 

Yes, I’ll just go. 

How do I leave? 

What do I have in these drawers? 

Okay. I know now. 

I’m so tired. I love you but I’m not worthy of your love. I’ve failed everything there is to fail. There’s too many tablets and pills, I have to minimize my water I don’t want to pee too much when I let go. 

I feel so sleepy. Finally I actually feel sleepy. I can’t keep my eyes open. I’m scared. Nanay I want to go home, please come and get me. I'm so scared. 

Was that a dream? 

I feel fine now, did I fail yet again? I feel too light. Maybe I just need some air or water or whatever. 

“Anak, go back.”

“Anak, it’s not your time yet, go back.”

Why is Daddy Piding in our dorm’s halfway? It’s too bright, did they open the fire exit?

“Anak, go back, it’s not your time yet.”

Why am I lying on my bed but also here at the doorway? 

“Anak, it’s okay, you can go back now.”

Daddy Piding smiles at me and nods at me just a couple of steps beyond our doorway. I’m just gonna go back to sleep. 

I closed my eyes, and when I opened them again, Nanay, Tatay, Tita, and Papa were beside me. 

“What do you want to eat, anak? Are you hungry?”

“I want Mcdo fries.”

Were they crying? Was I crying? My face is wet. My head’s so heavy. 

“Nanay, if those were painkillers why does it still hurt?”

—

My memory might not be the best at this point as it has been ten years, but this is why every October 7th, I say a little prayer and blow a candle to make a wish. Some years it’s a prayer of thanks, others a prayer of desperation. 

“Please tell me what else you need me here for.”

I don’t remember just how much I overdosed in, all I know is I survived. I don’t remember how long I was “out”, but that Daddy Piding was there guiding me back, even he passed some years back. My uncles said he waited for me but I wasn’t able to visit him till his funeral. Maybe he didn’t want me with him anymore since I made him wait for so long, that’s why he guided me back. I can’t know for sure till we meet again. 

Ten years ago today I tried to take my own life, but the Universe had other plans for me. So, here I am. 

Braving my way forward. 

Either way, I’m good. Either way, I’m good

I’ve had this song on repeat for quite sometime now. It just hits. 

You know what I mean? 

It feels like it awakened some sort of latent code in my brain and made me feel… stable. 

Could just be the consistent meds and therapy, but hey, either way I’m good. 

The question is… how do I sustain it ? 

As per my experience with feel good songs, it’s only a matter of time till the “magic” of the song fades and it doesn’t seem as effective as the first couple of times that I listen to it. 

(Louise is my alter ego, I need you back lol) 

I also want to record this day as a good day. It’s one of those rare days that I woke up in a good mood. Given, the first things I read were random posts on Reddit, but all in all, it’s a good wake up. 

For some reason, I also seem to repeat “It was good”, “That was a good dream”, or “If you don’t remember anything else, remember that it was good” in my mind the moment I woke up. 

And so I do. Kinda?

I’m on my knees, pray for glory

Will anyone read this underdog story 

I can’t lose myself again 

Help me raise this heart unbreakable

 I think my brain is fcking fried, and I do not know how to get out of this

Like, seriously, I don’t know what to do 

Or at least that’s what I wanna think 

Because the thing is, I already know what to do, I just can’t find the motivation to do it. Not even the “new month new start” worked. I am stuck. 

So, I am blogging while listening to Swan Lake because why not ? Maybe it will awaken something in me? IDK. Seems to be kinda working ? 

Or probably not. I am so unsure. 

It’s all working out in the best way; I am ready and open to receive. 

I feel like I’ve been in such low vibration that I can’t get out of it. 

I feel like I have been jinxed. 

I want to believe that I’ve simply been jinxed and it’s not my fault but of course I still have logic. 

But really, all I want to believe right now is that this is simply a jinx and all that I need to do is just throw it away and “return it to sender” and be done with it. 

I want to be excited about like again and have something to look forward to. 

How could I? I can’t even bother waking up an extra 30 minutes to actually get ready for the day. 

How could I? I get so jealous that other people have “work visits” and I don’t. 

How could I? I feel so insecure everytime compliments are not directed towards me. 

How could I? My world feels so small and tight, like a noose closing around my neck. 

But I want to get better. 

I can feel those tendrils of hope and fighting spirit sneaking out of my self proclaimed cage. 

Just right beneath the surface, but somehow I can’t reach them. 

I don’t know how to reach them. 

But I’ll keep on trying. 

Lately I have been trying to get in my head and pull out whatever thought I have. Trying to go back to my roots, I guess. Yet…Well… Somehow, I can’t. I wish to write, I really do. I wish to throw all this darkness onto paper and forget about it even just for a short while. Tell my story. Explain my feelings and take a deep dive, as deep as I can. But for some reason, creativity eludes me. Sure, I get photos here and there, nice ones that I want to post and share with the world… Poems that I have written that resonated with how I felt... But all I can think about is how… horrific my mindset is during those times. It’s been more than a month since I last used social media for “social purposes”. I have missed a ton of events that I could’ve gone to. I won’t be able to understand inside jokes formed during moments that I wasn’t present. I have lost the momentum, and I have to start all over again. But is it worth it ? Was stepping away from everything worth it ? For the past couple of months I have simply floated, even though I felt like I was drowning the whole time. I still do. I still feel the salt water choking me and filling up my nostrils here and there. Funny, I run to the sea for peace and yet when I envision myself going away all I taste is salt and sand. There have been so many times where I wanted to post a photo and say “I was dying but nobody noticed.”, but people did notice. Charles did. Mich did. Fau did. Trey did. Lala did. Ellen did. Mimi did. Vince did. Mary did. Red did. My MI Girls did. My GGP friends did. I just didn’t engage or open up or let them in. Instead I broiled my mind deeper into these dark and dangerous thoughts and let myself fade away little by little. I let my fear of being misunderstood consume me. I wanted to fight for myself, I really did. But I just… can’t. Even getting out of bed felt like such a huge bother. I just wanted to play my games all day long. Escape to a made up place inside my head. Even breathing felt like such a huge deal. Everything felt like it weighed ten tons. Every move I did I needed help. I needed a couple of minutes of pep talk and reality check that the world is not going to end even though it felt like it is and it will. Every now and then though, I would get this burst of energy that made me feel like I could drop this bleak mindset and just do. I really wanted to get back to my roots, to recover. I want to paint. I want to write music. I want to take pictures and share them with the world. I want to genuinely laugh with my friends again. Meet strangers’ eyes instead of hiding behind my hoodie. But I never seemed to have the mental capacity to do so. Until this morning. Suddenly, I just woke up and felt so tired of just floating. Suddenly I felt like I had enough. Suddenly I had thoughts of the future and what could be. The grief is still there. The worry of not being good enough. The daunting feeling of failing again and again and again and never being able to live up to people’s expectations. So, here we go, I guess. Cheers to trying again and cheers to recovery. Recovery is a fcking bitch but at least I have hope again.

Craving for a day like no other? Dive into a world where music, cosplay, and esports collide ONLY at Howlers Manila Music Festival! 🎶🎮🖤 From thumping beats to iconic characters and high-octane gaming, we've got a day packed with the ultimate squad bonding activities!

🗓️ Mark your calendar:

📍 October 21, 2023

🌆 Circuit Makati

🕛 12NN to 12MN

Witness your favorite bands set the stage on fire, dance the hours away, and immerse yourself in a world of fantasy and competition! 🔊👾🎤

Ready to build memories that will last a lifetime? It's time to step into a realm of unmatched energy and unforgettable moments. Secure your spot, and let the sounds, sights, and sensations transport you! 🎉✨

Hurry and secure your tickets NOW at the links below 👇

Official Website: howlersmanila.com 

Shopee: https://shp.ee/hx8r5nj

Lazada: https://s.lazada.com.ph/s.73WYn

TikTok: https://vt.tiktok.com/ZSLCUEMYA/

Ticketmelon: https://www.ticketmelon.com/vamosph/howlers-manila

Ticketmax: https://www.ticketmax.ph/.../howlers-manila-20-costume.../

#Howlersmanila 

#Howlerstransformation 

#Cosplaymusicfestival

#NeutoGameGuild #Neuto #NGGInfluencer