The World is Different Now and I am Scared. | Dear Diary 2021

The World is Different Now and I am Scared. 


A couple of weeks ago, our trusty computer broke down and refused to cooperate despite the attempts of my in-house tech (my partner is a programmer ahaha). 


Since all of our work is computer based, we needed to get it up and running the soonest possible time. While he tinkered with it, I read a couple of books and stuff because my phone of 5 years has also given up on me just a couple days before this. Talk about Mercury Retrograde, lol!


Anyway, he was soon able to diagnose the PC as having a busted hard drive, and my first thought was, are my files okay?? Most if not all my memories are on a hard drive and I couldn’t bear losing another hard drive! 


He assured me that all of my files are okay, that we had two hard drives and mine is the back up one and that only the main one is broken yada yada yada. Once I heard that my files were okay, the next thought on my mind was how to fix the PC. 


Turns out we just needed to replace it and so we made plans to get one. We decided to finally give public transportation a try (our last jeepney ride was back in March 2020), having utilized only Grab and taxis before. 


Ever since the pandemic started and masks became mandatory, I’ve had this growing fear about the whole world that I can’t seem to control. Not just because there is a virus out there, but because I relied so heavily on seeing people’s faces to gauge my safety. I have been in the BPO industry since 2015 and have been fairly (travel-wise) independent since I was about 14 years old. Seeing people’s face have always been my “safety blanket”. I feel like I have a pretty good face recall and that I can read someone’s intentions from their faces. 


Now that masks are mandatory, the world feels much more scarier than when I first started going to work in the wee hours of the night. Heck, I didn’t even feel scared at all before! I was excited about the night life and what the world had to offer! Before, I would even wear short skirts and high heels and brave the world at 2AM just to get to work and well, I just didn’t give a damn. 


I’m really sad that I can’t say the same anymore. 


When we went out, I was iron clad in baggy pants, long sleeves and closed shoes and even had my noise canceling earbuds in, with my 2021 playlist blasting. I was embracing my bag and clinging on my partner for dear life. I didn’t dare look at anyone in the eyes, and stayed put by my partner’s side. 


The strong, independent woman I once knew to be me was gone and I don’t know where to find her. 


I hope by the time the world goes back to normal (whatever that is), I can overcome this irrational fear of mine and be able to adapt and adjust to this newer and crazier world that we have. 


P.S. The hard drive cost us P3k++! Didn’t know computer parts are that expensive, wow. 


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