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Free | Literature 2017

“Ladies and Gentlemen, I present to you, the beautiful Lilianne Ezperanza!”

Breathe in, breathe out. After seven long years of hiding, this is my big reveal.

Seven long years of repairing, recovering my lost self. Seven years of rebuilding, reshaping my life. It’s amazing really, how five months ruined me, everything I believed in, and everyone I cared for. Five months that had to be reversed by seven years.

I walked out, with my carefully perfected catwalk. I was greeted by flashing lights, by applause. I smiled, nodded at the familiar faces. I was presented with a bouquet of flowers, and smiled my perfect smile, my smile reaching my eyes for the first time in a long time. I looked around, and recognized the movement.

My smile wavered for a bit, but my steely composure will never shatter now. Sure, I remember everything, every word, every action, every single second. But I’m happy to say that I’m over everything now. Honestly, I realize with relief.

I smiled brighter, even laughing with joy.. Real joy this time. With a final wave to my adoring audience, I turn, and go back to the dressing rooms to prepare for the interviews. I glanced back once, and met his eyes.

Those clear brown eyes I know all too well. I’ve seen anger, lust, love, sadness, and insanity in those eyes. I’ve stared into those eyes pleading for salvation, for an end to everything, but I never got any. I remembered the early moments that led me to believe I was in love with someone who finally cared. Someone who actually took the time to understand me, to know me, to memorize every single detail of me.

Those eyes showed me that I can be free, that I can be happy and the world didn’t end. He was my savior from all the creatures under my bed, the monsters inside my head. The one who can make the skeletons in the closet vanish. I can stare into those eyes and say what I want, when I want without any reservations and without fear of being judged.

Sadly, those same eyes were the eyes I stared into while the one who owns them.. I shook myself from the recollections. I promised myself that I would never think of these messages ever again. Not today, not ever. This is all in the past now. I’m over everything that has happened. I have forgiven, I have not forgotten, but I will no longer remember.

I break the eye contact, close my eyes and breathe in, and breathe out. I will be okay. I am okay.

I have moved on.

Inspired by: Unlove You - KZ Tandingan

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