Into The Diamond Realm #GGPWomenOfPower | Events 2023

 [03.25.23] 

A ton of people asked why I chose to go as Medusa during the Into the Diamond Realm event of Gamer Girls Philippines ...

They said it was a surprising choice -- that Athena or Artemis or some other goddess fit my narrative better...

To be honest I wanted to say that "I just wanted to.". Keep it at that. No more questions. No more excuses.

(P.S. Long read)

But then I realized, even after all this time, the chokehold it had on me never loosened. Maybe I just learned how to function with it? Learned to be blind? To push it so far down even I question myself if it actually happened sometimes.

Will I ever be able to share my story? Probably not.

Will I ever be able to fully trust someone else's words and actions? Maybe not.

Will I ever be able to see myself the same? Definitely not.

Once upon a time I put my faith into the hands of people who were supposed to take care of me. Perhaps, in their own way, they did. They made sure I was clothed and fed and educated.

I felt like I was at the top of the world until I was not.

Until it latched onto me and dried me up from the inside out. Until I was no more and until my own eyes and mind deceived me.

When I needed them the most, that's when I felt like they decided my time was up and I have used all my chances. That I was beyond saving and beyond repair. I don't even remember being given chances. But chained and detained I was, to a dream that was never mine. It was always their dream. Not mine. Who am I to dream anyway?

So turned all eyes on me into stone. With each stone I made, I built my walls, as high and as strong as I possibly could. I kept everyone at a distance because why should I even bother getting close, when letting them in only makes them want to leave ? Why give them the stones that they can use to hurt me ?

The snakes on my end kept slithering and snickering, and sometimes I listen too closely and end up with marks. Day in, day out, they whisper ideas that took me most of my adolescence to silence.

Medusa's story is one I resonate with. The story of betrayal. The story of being punished simply by declining another's desire. The story of being ostracized simply because I looked different and wanted different path in life.

So, to this day I still stack up my stones to build my walls. I still never fully trust people. I still hear hisses of dangerous ideas 24/7.

I just learned how live with it but I remember it all.

#GGPWomenOfPower #GGPartner #GGParty #GGPevent #GamerGirlsPhilippines #GGPIntoTheDiamondRealm

📸 Ferlyn Landoy

📍 Kondwi PH