Day 17/100

Slowly but surely wins the race, I guess? 

I mean, here I am blogging for three days in row! 

I'm taking wins wherever I can get them. 

In case I haven't shared it here yet (which I probably haven't), the countdown thingy that I have is related to my 100-day project. 

Have I missed a couple of days? Hell yes. 

Will I let that get me down? 

Hopefully not. 

I mean, I'm still going, right? 

Well, here goes updates, I guess. 

I'm currently trying to watch Girls Planet 999, but for some reason it's not sticking like Produce 48. P48 I was able to watch continuously, but GP999, not so. IDK why, but I hope it's just because I haven't even finished the 1st episode. 

I also started reading a couple new books. A mix and match of light and heavy books. The Baby-Sitters Club book 2, Victoria: May Blossom of Britannia, England, 1829 , 365 Days With Self-Discipline: 365 Life-Altering Thoughts on Self-Control, Mental Resilience, and Success, The Chic Diet: The Dietary and Psychological Tactics of the Urban Elite, The Siren, etc etc. 

It's a mix and match of stuff because I am trying to train myself and read more... informative books rather than the usual fiction that I read. 

Lately I have been thinking that perhaps I did not lose the interest of books, but rather, I was just choosing the wrong ones. Maybe that's why I felt like I was losing interest with books. I mean, I have proven that given the right kind of book, I could finish them. I was able to enjoy them. 

For example, I was able to finish The Selection series (well, half of it) with no issues at all, and I think I enjoyed it. I have also finished BSC1, Tender is the Flesh, Matched, and some other books with no issues. But when it comes to self-help books, I have a hard time. 

I really want to read them though. I believe they hold the answers to my questions. So yeah. I'll keep on pushing myself. If I find myself bored, then I'll switch to a different kind of book. 

I'm determined to finish a self-help book even though I don't really believe that I'm motivated. Or at least I don't think I could be, anyway. 

Let's see how it goes. 

---

Right now the self-help book that I am focusing on is 365 Days With Self-Discipline: 365 Life-Altering Thoughts on Self-Control, Mental Resilience, and Success . I think it's appropriate because even at day one, it says, "a weak-willed person who, when faced with a challenge, immediately opts out", and I'm like, hey, you don't have to hit me that hard lol. 

I'm thinking of journalling alongside this book but I am also scared that I won't be able to finish it so I don't know yet at this point. Maybe I'll just write when I feel like I have to? Share my thoughts when I have some? 

Here's some thoughts haha: 

I am so lost with this book. Like, is it just a book that I read or do I have to do something with it? I don't know. I guess I just have to stick with it. I mean, just like how it says: "Each self-imposed affliction strengthens them, so that fewer and fewer difficulties in life overwhelm them."

So I guess this is my self-imposed affliction. To try and understand this book that I have no idea what to do with. Who knows, maybe it'll end up being my bible. 

And in case you're wondering, why the heck would I want to read a book that I don't even understand: Well, here's the thing -- I don't think I am disciplined as a person. I always leave things at the last minute and I always have issues with deadlines. So, here's me, hoping that this will help me with all that. 

I am also listening to Your Life In ONE Year From Now... (PICK A CARD) by The Gem Goddess right now, which I find helps me ground myself and it's just a beautiful wave of positivity for me. I mean, her videos are. I love them. They help me feel more optimistic about a future that I am having a very hard time imagining. 

But you know what's funny? I have been typing and writing here but I haven't even spoken maybe twenty words to other people, and I feel like this is so peaceful. I am torn, yes, but somehow peaceful at the same time. 

I am yearning for the hustle and bustle of W1 and W2, not gonna lie. Despite the wrongs that I feel like they have done to me. Even if it was fake? Maybe. I miss the camaraderie. I miss the environment. I miss having actual work friends. 

But at the same time, I know that this arrangement, when I don't really have much connections with people is best for me right now. Because I want to have a life outside of work. Sooo. I'm just gonna have to make it work. 

I want attention and yet I loathe it at the same time. 

Just heard "Gaining self respect, putting up healthy boundaries.." 

You know what, let me just copy the Transcript here, because I feel like I need to document it lol: (or maybe I am just hyperfixating on this to avoid doing something lol)

-----

Abandoned that because I felt like it was too much of a distraction. What I really need to do right now is to get ready for a post that I need to do later lol. 

Went back to prepping for the upload and reading 365 bit by bit. 

----

Whoosh! Just got a cup of coffee, this time with some sugar and of course I feel energetic as fuck. It's my first calorie intake since my pre-work oatmeal. I like it, though. Self discipline. :) 

Maybe through reading 365 I can achieve my goal weight. I really need a glow up ASAP. 

---

The day is about to end, and I'm glad I have written quite a lot today. 

Hoping that tomorrow's a great blogging day too.