Life is tough but I am not sure if I am | Dear Diary 2022

It has been quite some time since being back here, and I still have mixed feelings about it all. 


Some days I feel fine about it and some days not. 


One thing is for sure though, keeping to myself is the best way to go forward. 


I have such deep mistrust with people that I don’t even know why I can even talk with people. I don’t even know how I can be so… fake. 


Is this what they mean by being amicable? Amiable? Civil? 


Is this how that works?


I know the past is long gone but I really do miss the workplaces I had before the pandemic. 


Or at least, I miss the girl I used to be. 


The one who can be worry free about interacting with people. The one who didn’t mind other’s opinions. The one who can trust her peers and who can trust herself. 


Because nowadays it seems like I can't even trust myself, though I have to. I need to trust myself or I will go insane. 


All I want to do right now is log in, do my job, and log out. I don’t know if I am burnt out, sad, depressed, or just plain lazy. 


Maybe working for over five years with nothing to show for really does something to your psyche, IDK. Maybe this year I’ll go for my plan sleep. 


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