Hello, August | Dear Diary 2021

Hello! I'm Nessa, your resident Bulakenya in Manila and I am crossing my fingers for a smooth flowing August. 

Yes, it's now August. August 2021. 

And we're back in ECQ! Surprise, surprise. 

I started off this year being so pumped and so excited to be beginning a new year and well, quarter-life crisis hits. 

To be completely honest, I think my "life crises" started when I was 21 and just never ended. In retrospect, it's most likely due to dear moi having to work and support myself while the rest of my peers just go through the normal walk of life (ie, Elementary, High School, College, Work/Career). Then there's me, working without a college degree and just existing I guess. I did have a social life and I did work towards a college degree soon enough but it seemed like it wasn't enough for my family and I felt like a constant failure, despite doing what needs to be done. 

Despite doing what I can and doing what's feasible. 

It just never seemed to be enough. 

So there's that. 

Fast forward a couple of years (2020) and I have lost 2 jobs, lost my scholarship, lost my hair, and in 2019, started with a new company. My dream workplace. I finally got in!

I was also enjoying a beautiful creative outlet of content creation. I was planning to go back to school. 

Then COVID happened. 

And we all got fcked. 

Not gonna lie, a lot of great things opened up for me in 2020. I became a Shopee live streamer, etc etc 

Oh and I also suffered a mental breakdown, but that's another story for another day haha 

I guess what I'm trying to say is... 

It's been a tough couple of years, and I don't see the end anytime soon. 

I kept saying that I'll renew myself once this is all over and the world's alright again but is it really going to be alright? 

I don't know. 

I sure as hell don't want to wait around for it and just shrivel up. 

I wanna use the rest of the year to try my best to actually improve myself and do better. Make myself better. 

I don't know how to do it, but I'm going to try. 

I owe my future self that much. 

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