Self Esteem and Confidence | 2020

 Last week, I joined a group on Facebook that is focuses on self esteem improvement by means of journal writing. I am a bit late to the party, as this started last May 1st, but I still decided to go and catch up.

Also, i have decided that I'm just going to churn out blog posts whenever I want to. Writing has always been my solace and my escape, and I am going back to it. I am going to make sure I am okay first before I go ahead and try to make things better for others.

This weeks focus is identifying root causes, and the prompt given is:

What does your self esteem and and confidence look like right now? Identify a few areas you feel your self esteem is weak and a few areas where you feel it is strong. Be as detailed as possible. How does your current self esteem benefit you or limit you? 

Right now, May 5th, 2020, my self esteem is pretty much non-existent. Mostly because I am seeing my peers be more successful than I am, and it hurts. Big time.

I feel like I am chasing something that isn't there. Like I am going after something but I don't really know what it is. Success? Fame? Recognition? I don't really know.

Yet, I also know that what I am feeling is valid and that this is normal and that I know that I am going to get over this and be happy and yadda yadda --

Right now it doesn't feel like it.

Right now I feel so unmotivated and incomplete and unsuccessful. Right now I feel like I am nothing, and that I won't ever achieve anything and that everything that I have been working on is going to waste. Right now I can't feel that my other successes are valid. I feel like I am being left out. But I also feel like I don't really have a right to feel like this because I have it so much better than others.

I have a job. I earn from what I love to do. I have a beautiful relationship with the most amazing man in the world. I am reaching milestone after milestone.

But I still feel like I am not enough and that I am incomplete.

I feel like I am not going to complete anything anymore.

So that is how my self esteem and confidence is looking right now. I know this is not good. For me or for my career. It is limiting me from working on the things that I see much potential in. It is limiting my creativity. It is giving me a headache. It is demotivating and debilitating.

I know I can snap out of this, but right now I can't.

So we'll end here.

See you in my next one.


This was initiated by Kate Joy of

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