So, I have started a brand new endeavor this June 2020, which is junk journaling or bullet journaling! To be honest, I don really know what to call it, except that I I know that I am having fun so far and I am really enjoying the process. I would love to share this journey with you, so let's start with my tools! In case you're interested, here are the links to where I got my tools from! Dong-A Gel Pens - Black https://shopee.prf.hn/l/rpJPNpe *** Sharpie Twin Tip Markers - Black https://shopee.prf.hn/l/rpJmLv8 *** Colored Vellum Board https://shopee.prf.hn/l/6P0jXVP *** Construction Paper https://shopee.prf.hn/l/6nayXlj *** 25 PCS NO REPEAT Worldwide Used Postage Stamp Collection https://shopee.prf.hn/l/rGvlB1Z *** 70 Pieces Vintage Book Pages for Junk Journaling or Scrapbooking https://shopee.prf.hn/l/7A13wLd *** 80 PCS Vintage Junk Journal Ephemera https://shopee.prf.hn/l/70vGwql *** Vintage Journaling Paper Pack https://shopee.prf.hn/l/Kma5J93 *** Big Pack of Assorted Papers for Junk Journaling https://shopee.prf.hn/l/75yGglB *** Digno Selfy Gel Pen 0.5mm Assorted 10s https://shopee.prf.hn/l/7x34RoP *** Binder Clip Fold Back Clip https://shopee.prf.hn/l/7ovNe8E *** DOMS PLAIN KRAFT NOTEBOOK 40 LEAVES https://shopee.prf.hn/l/6lPeV4v *** Permanent Marker Fine Tip - Black https://shopee.prf.hn/l/KL0Pgww *** Glue Stick https://shopee.prf.hn/l/rvO3dAo *** Water Chalk Pen 12pcs Colorful Assorted https://shopee.prf.hn/l/reWbPm0 *** Kraft Paper https://shopee.prf.hn/l/75yNYEo *** Kraft Board https://shopee.prf.hn/l/7x3nkQG *** Zuixua Neon Color Pastel and Metal Pens Highlighter Glitter https://shopee.prf.hn/l/7ovVlJB *** Disclaimer: Products marked with *** were sent by the brand/s or were gifted via PR Kits. Links marked with *** are affiliate links that help me earn a small commission from your purchase, which helps me in creating more quality content for you. Thoughts, reviews, and feedback about the products remain the same, honest and true. These do not have any impact on how I create my reviews or feedback about the products. Thank you for the support
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My grandmother always told me -- "Take your vitamins, so won't have to take bitter medicines." .
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With my hectic schedule of being a working student, a content creator, and now, a livestreamer, I make my vitamins are up to date and that I am stocked up. Which is why I am thankful that @watsonsph offers a variety of brands, should my fave ones run out! .
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Personally, I take the following supplements daily: - Multivitamins, to make sure I stay healthy and energetic
- Collagen, to keep my skin looking plump
- Vitamin E, as an anti-aging supplement
- Vitamin C, to boost my immunity
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Watsons PH has always been my go-to place to get my essentials and I'm happy to able to still be able to purchase from Watsons through their online shop and app. Definitely convenient and safe even during this lockdown period. So if you're looking for a a fast and efficient way to be healthier, definitely check them out!
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#StrongHealthyFamily #WatsonsPH
 
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I get these random boosts of energy and inspiration, but when I try to get to work, nothing comes of it. 

I don't know how to make sense of it at all. 

It's like I have a weird, menacing and advanced version of a writer's block or a creative block that somehow just removes itself for just a tiny little moment, enough to let me feel some sort of hope that I can do something and get out of this rut..

But when I try and focus all my energy into recovering, it just stuffs itself back up. 

Does that make sense? I hope it does. I hope it makes sense. 

To be honest, I have so many things planned. So many things I want to do and I know I can achieve. Deep inside I have faith that I can do it. 

But it feels like my body is just so over it. My creative flow is so blocked that I don't even know what's worth it anymore. 

I want to get online courses certificates. 
I want to renovate my apartment. 
I want to launch my own business. 
I want to film new videos. 
I want to share knowledge. 
I want to inspire. 
I want to document what has been going on in my life. 

But somehow I can't do any of those things. Now because I don't want to, or that I physically can't... but I feel so drained. 

I know I keep on telling other people that we just have to push forward and be strong and keep on going and that we'll get through this... but I myself I can't seem to follow my own advice. I feel like a fraud. 

I'm thinking, maybe it's because I don't have enough supplies, I don't have enough space, my world is so cluttered. Maybe I am not built for this. Maybe I should just stop altogether. 

And when I finally decide that I have had enough... my mind suddenly goes -- NO YOU HAVE TO KEEP DOING ALL THIS THINGS OR ELSE I AM GOING TO TAP OUT. 

And honestly I don't want to tap out. I don't want to let go. I don't want to die. 

And so I take a deep breath and try again, so through the same loop of misery that is my life right now. 

So, for my friends and projects and the people I love.. I am sorry for being so flakey and if I keep on falling off the face of earth, most especially with things that I am actually supposed to do. Or promised to do. Please know that it is not personal and I am trying my best to be okay and fight through. 

Little by little. 

Step by step. 

Without any promises. 

I will be okay. 

- Nessa

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Music I listened to while writing this down. Thank you, Lou Sanchez for making this video that finally inspired me to declutter my mind. 
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 Last week, I joined a group on Facebook that is focuses on self esteem improvement by means of journal writing. I am a bit late to the party, as this started last May 1st, but I still decided to go and catch up.

Also, i have decided that I'm just going to churn out blog posts whenever I want to. Writing has always been my solace and my escape, and I am going back to it. I am going to make sure I am okay first before I go ahead and try to make things better for others.

This weeks focus is identifying root causes, and the prompt given is:

What does your self esteem and and confidence look like right now? Identify a few areas you feel your self esteem is weak and a few areas where you feel it is strong. Be as detailed as possible. How does your current self esteem benefit you or limit you? 

Right now, May 5th, 2020, my self esteem is pretty much non-existent. Mostly because I am seeing my peers be more successful than I am, and it hurts. Big time.

I feel like I am chasing something that isn't there. Like I am going after something but I don't really know what it is. Success? Fame? Recognition? I don't really know.

Yet, I also know that what I am feeling is valid and that this is normal and that I know that I am going to get over this and be happy and yadda yadda --

Right now it doesn't feel like it.

Right now I feel so unmotivated and incomplete and unsuccessful. Right now I feel like I am nothing, and that I won't ever achieve anything and that everything that I have been working on is going to waste. Right now I can't feel that my other successes are valid. I feel like I am being left out. But I also feel like I don't really have a right to feel like this because I have it so much better than others.

I have a job. I earn from what I love to do. I have a beautiful relationship with the most amazing man in the world. I am reaching milestone after milestone.

But I still feel like I am not enough and that I am incomplete.

I feel like I am not going to complete anything anymore.

So that is how my self esteem and confidence is looking right now. I know this is not good. For me or for my career. It is limiting me from working on the things that I see much potential in. It is limiting my creativity. It is giving me a headache. It is demotivating and debilitating.

I know I can snap out of this, but right now I can't.

So we'll end here.

See you in my next one.

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This was initiated by Kate Joy of www.katejoycoaching.com
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