Another workday.

I have blown my cash towards some stuff and now I want something else.

Maybe a cup of coffee from Starbucks?

But it's so far away..

Yep, I have finally activated my Vinta card. I hope I'm one of the lucky ones to get the Starbucks for a year promo thingy. I'd have my IG feed setup forever. I miss coffee. I don't know why I haven't had coffee for so long when I used to drown in the stuff. Maybe I'm growing up, IDK.

I want some tea.

I don't know if I'm just thirsty or hungry or if this is something else.

6:26AM:

Ended up eating some jjampong. Now I'm bloated AF. I want more though, but I have to stop eating so much. I feel like I'm blowing up.

I want sinigang.
I want egg omelette.
I want to make an omelette with tomatoes, garlic, onions and malunggay.
I want some coffee from Starbucks and any of their food, like the cheesesteak or something.

But I think I'm going to settle with chicken sinigang later. I'll add a lot more vegetables though, like radish and kangkong and stuff. Maybe some of the malunggay too, if not too limp. It probably is though.

I need to make the remaining cash last till next payday though. I think I have 500 left. Goodluck to me lol

8:00AM:
Had a quick nap since I was already sleeping here on my desk. So I just napped for about 40 minutes and now I'm back at work. Don't know how I'm going to last 3 and half more hours. I'm so sleepy and I don't know why.

I think I'm going to have to make my work lunches to bring at work. And eat being leaving the house so I'm not starving. I really want to make sinigang today. I need to pick up my meds too.

9:00AM:
I'm thinking of a meal schedule for me, something that can keep me full. I hope I can find kutsinta again later, I liked how it was cooked. It's a bit pricier than what I'm used to, but it is a bigger serving, I guess.

10:00AM:
Ah. 2 and half more hours. Why does time tend to drag on when you wait for it?

I've been having heart burn. Don't know if it's heart burn or heart attack or I'm just going to die right here. I wanna go home. I'll just have my bloodwork done tomorrow, I guess. I need to be able to get to the doc's office early during my off and then go back home so I can just chill.

I'll just get my meds later and go home. Then cook ginisang munggo and rice. I want rice.

10:30AM:
Two more hours...

11:00AM
One and half more to go..

I really am hungry. I'm going to look for something cheap that I can eat and provide some energy.

11:52AM:
I ate some chips. Now I feel bad. Like junk.

I shouldn't have eaten that crap.

I can't wait to go home and cook some real food. Or maybe buy some food that I can eat. Like kutsinta or toge or something.

12:15PM:
Few more minutes left.
I can't think of anything else but food.

1/31

by on January 30, 2018
Another workday. I have blown my cash towards some stuff and now I want something else. Maybe a cup of coffee from Starbucks? But it's s...
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Hello, my name is Nessa and thank you for checking out my blog.

Today I'm just going to talk about my current skincare routine, what products I use and how my skin has improved. This is mostly inspired by the Korean 10-step Skincare Routine, but I modified it to suit me. I think that's how we should take any skincare advice, modify it to suit your skin, because what works for someone won't work for you.

Note: This includes my body skincare and not just skincare routine. It's two different sections so that it doesn't get mixed up.

Okay, so to start, just a few important things to mention -- I work at a call center, my shift is during the night, and I sleep during the day. To be more clear, I have classes 6PM-9PM and then work shift 10PM-7AM. So, instead of using AM or PM, I'll just use Before and After.

FACE

Before:

This is where I use the easy way -- cleanse, tone, moisturize with a bit of additions.

1. Cleanse
I use a moisturizing facial cleanser, right now I'm using the one from Human Nature. This is just to remove any sebum and sweat that might have gone on my skin when I was sleeping and to close my pores as well. I use a moisturizing cleanser so that I don't dry out my skin as I don't use a heavy duty moisturizer. I have oily skin, and the weather here is very humid so using a thick moisturizer just makes me very uncomfortable.

2. Tone
After moisturizing, I use a brightening toner, right now I'm using Pinking Glow from Royale, and I'm definitely not after the whitening effect of this, I just found that this helps me with my pores and with a youthful glow. It also helps mattify my skin which is a great plus since I have oily skin.

3. Lip Balm
Right after toner, I moisturize my lips with Petroleum Jelly. I apply a semi-thick layer and just let it sit there, drinking my coffee and applying more if I feel like I need to.

4. Moisturize
For moisturizer I switch from the Nivea Creme, the Iwhite Korea Aqua Vita or the Human Nature Day moisturizer, depending on the day. I use the Nivea Creme when it's kind of gloomy or if I feel like it's going to be a cool day and I can tolerate a heavier product. I reserve the Iwhite Korea Aqua Vita for hot and humid days, since it's water based, super light but a very effective and it dries demi-matte. For days when I'm not sure what kind of weather it's going to be, or when I want to play it safe since sometimes it's cool then it gets hot or vice versa, I use the Human Nature Day moisturizer. This one a perfect balance, neither light nor heavy, but very dependable. It also doesn't weigh down my skin but still gives me a kind of a dewy look that won't turn greasy when hot or dry up when it's cold.

5. SPF
After letting the moisturizer set on my skin for a few minutes, I start with the sunscreen. I use the Dermplus 130, and I know that's very high for just being in an airconditioned room in front of the computer, but I believe there are still radiations from the computer and also after shift when I go home I reapply a very thin layer just to reinforce it. I know it doesn't work like "the higher the better", but with a computation (# of minutes to burn w/o sunscreen x SPF # = maximum sun exposure w/ sunscreen). I mainly use that high SPF number to make sure I'm as protected as I possibly can, since UV rays still cause even while indoors. But that's a whole other topic, and maybe I'll just do a post about that in the future.

6. Makeup
If I decide to actually take the time to do my makeup, I mainly just use BB cream, blush, bronzer, brow makeup, eye makeup (usually just a crease shadow and eyeliner) lip makeup, and mascara if I'm wearing contacts instead of glasses. I'll do an everyday makeup routine soon for a more detailed post. Of course there are days when I go all out, but if I just want to look presentable or fake sleeping well, makeup is the way to go.

That's it for the Before part.

After:

1. Makeup Remover
If I wore makeup that day, I'll use either a makeup wipe or my cold cream (Etude House Happy Tea Time in Lemon) to remove most of the makeup on my skin. For my eye and lip makeup I'll use the makeup wipes from the Face Shop. After this initial cleansing, if it's my workout day, I work out.

2. Cleanse
If it's not a workout day, I go straight to using a foaming scrub, Pond's Acne Clear 10 to take off anything left by the cream cleanser.

3. Exfoliate
I only do this every other day, and use a mild scrub made specifically for the face. When I feel like I need to be squeaky clean, I use a gritty scrub, and other days I use the Iwhite Korea 2 minute mask which serves as a mild exfoliant. I also exfoliate my lips if I feel like I need to or I want to wear a matte lip the next day.

4. Peel-off Mask
Once or twice a week I use a peel-off mask, usually targeted for my blackheads and white heads. Either I use nose packs from BeautyFix or Iwhite Korea, and the Whitening Mask from Iwhite Korea or the Cucumber peel-off from Purederm

4. Toner
After patting my face dry, I use Eskinol Pimple Fighting to tone and pick up any leftover makeup residue.

5. Lip Balm
Then, I moisturize my lips with petroleum jelly, applying a think coat.

6. Eye Cream
I apply eye cream/gel after that. I also use Castor Oil to moisturize my lashes and brows to keep them full.

7. Essence
Right now I only have one essence that I have liked, and its the Chasing Daydreams beauty oil. I use this very lightly if I'm going to use a sheet mask or a sleeping mask. If not, I apply it kind of heavily and it serves as my sleeping mask too.

8. Sheet Mask
For days when I feel like my skin needs and extra boost or if its feeling dull, I use a Sheet Mask, depending on what I feel like I need for that day. My favorite masks are the Etude House I Need You Masks. If I have some parts that I need to target (like my poor tired eyes), I use under eye masks as well. Sometimes the good old cucumber works too

9. Sleeping Pack
After the sheet mask and I want to go the extra mile, I let the extra essence dry and I apply a sleeping pack. My favorite is the Nature Republic Aloe Vera Gel.

10. Moisturizer Locker
If I don't fall asleep while wearing the sheet mask, I apply a thin layer of either my beauty oil or aloe vera gel to seal the moisture in.

BODY

With my body skincare routine, I'll use Daily and Weekly instead of Before and After.

Daily:

1. Cleanse
I take a shower, and use Kojic for soap, not for whitening, but mostly evening out my skintone. It also keeps my body acne/pimples at bay so that's a plus. If I have time, I leave the lather on for a minute or two and just relax and let the citrusy fragrance awaken my senses. I also use the Olay body wash for days that I want some gentle exfoliation. I use it with a washcloth or my bath puff. I leave it on for a minute or two as well if I have time, and play with the foam just to relax and condition myself.

If I'm staying in the office, I just use the body wash because it's easier to store than a bar of soap. I usually stay at the office every other day or every two days, because it's easier since I have classes.

2. In-shower moisturizing
After rinsing off completely, I use Nivea In-Shower Moisturizer, and then rinse that off after two to three minutes. This helps a lot when I'm in a rush and have to skip the next steps.

3. Moisturize
I have different body lotions that I use just like on my face skincare. For daily use, I go between the Nivea Express Hydration for days when its very hot and humid and I don't want to be that sticky, and also when I won't be expose to the sun much before I reach an airconditioned room to apply sunscreen. If I know I'll be exposed to the sun, I'll use the Nivea Extra Firm and White since it has a bit of SPF in it, enough until I can replenish by SPF barrier. For days when I feel like my skin needs a little boost in appearance or if I'm gonna wear something that reveals a bit more skin for example, I'll use the Watsons Body BB cream which smooths me all over and improves my skin's appearance. It also has some UV protection so protected to some degree which is good.

WEEKLY:

1. Scrub
Even before I wet my skin, I use milk salts to scrub the heck out of my skin, especially after a workout and on my problem areas (knees, elbows, feet). I use the salts from Watsons but sometimes I'll use the ABonne and Asian Secrets or homemade scrubs as well. I let that sit on my skin since salt draw out impurities from my skin and then rinse off.

2. Shave
I apply hair conditioner (the thin cheap kind from Watsons which are pretty damn effective if you leave it on for a long time) to the areas that I need shaving, let it sit while I ponder on my week and mentally prepare lists and things do then I shave and of course rinse off.

3. In-shower Moisturization
After that of course I use my Nivea In-shower body moisturizer and this time let is sit longer on my skin and apply a bit more to the freshly shaven areas to avoid razor burn and all those irritations associated with shaving. This also serves as a body mask.

4. Moisturize
Now this is when I get moisture heavy. Either I'll use oil (coconut or olive oil) all over my skin or apply the Nivea Baby Smoothy Cream generously on my body especially on the freshly shaven areas. I also apply petroleum jelly to my problem areas.

Whew. I know my skincare routine takes time, but I didn't realize it's this complicated. But the effects have been very good, especially when I'm consistent. I get smaller pores, makeup stay on better, I have a youthful glow and I actually look my age. Those things are very good things in my opinion.

If you got to this point thank you so much for reading!
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I Tried Daily Masks and Here's What Happened --

I'm no stranger to face masks. I remember my grandmother using oatmeal and milk as a mask, and coconut oil and aloe vera for her hair. I guess you can say that my grandmother is my greatest influence with regards to taking care of my myself. Actually, in every aspect of my life. Love you, Nay!

Anyway, mushiness aside, I discovered face masks back in college -- my dorm mate would use face masks every now and then, and I wasn't really interested in it. Until i saw one brand (either Etude House or Watsons) having a mask sale and I bought one. Tried it at home and bought another, and another, and another. until it got too pricey for my college pockets and I reverted to DIY masks instead.

Fast forward to working me, I once again got interested with face masks as everyone in the beauty world was hyping it up. I really wasn't going to join the bandwagon, but when Tony Moly dropped their prices to 15% off, and hosted a 3+1 mask promo (and I had some extra cash), there was no stopping me.

I tried it purely for myself at first, without the pressures of blogging about it and telling the whole world I'm doing daily masks. The results were fascinating. I thought my simplified Korean skincare inspired routine was enough to get my skin plumped, but nope. There's a reason why masks sell like hotcakes nowadays. They are seriously life changing.

In case you still don't believe in the power of daily masking, here's another post of 7-day mask challenge;

Disclaimer: I was also doing my Skincare Routine rigorously during this week. I also skipped all skincare steps except CTM for two weeks before doing this post.

Format:

Day One: name of mask - price
(photo)
short caption

--

conclusion
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My Dream Wedding

(This is a prompt from a friend of mine, to see how far i can go with describing an event. I chose wedding because I think every girl already have their dream weddings  planned out.)

Let's start with the dress:

My body build an athletic pear. I've got quite a generous bottom half and just enough to work with on top. I say that I'm "athletic" pear because I don't really have curves and my father gave me slim and tall genes that kind of hides my big thighs and makes me look more proportionate than I really am.

With that in mind, I have learned to streamline my body and choose clothing that creates the illusion of what I have.

For my dream wedding gown, I want the upper part to be off shoulder with a sweetheart neckline. I also want it to be in a corset style, to form the curves I covet so much. The fabric should either be a a mix of white and very light blush pink, so subtle that it gives me a rosy effect but not so much that my dress is no longer white. I also want some antique gold and clear holographic crystals/sequins on the neckline are and fading down the bodice. Just enough that I catch the light and add an ethereal glow when I walk down the aisle.

For the off shoulder part, I want either wispy pieces of fabric, three layers to hide my armpit area because I'm not that comfortable showing that part. Or just a thin gold band with the same color crystals hanging maybe 4-5 inches on my shoulders like little chandeliers. Coz you know, I'm so into that fairy feel. (I seriously blame Encantadia for this.)
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It was definitely an internal battle earlier.

To shower or not to shower?

Showering still won though. I know I have to, so I will. And I did. Yay to having the courage to shower three days in a row! I think it also helps that I am seeing less and less shedding every time I comb my hair. It's now almost back to the amount of hairfall I get when I was still "normal".

I now have more courage to wear my bonnet -- not that I have a choice, but I've now learned to own it than hide it. I've even learned how to style it better! I'm actually looking forward to maybe buying a couple more, just so I have some variety.

Surprisingly, I also have been liking the taste of the Spiced Tea that I made. So much so that I brewed a liter of and I've slowly been drinking it. I'll share the benefits and the recipe within the week.

For those who stumbled on this blog looking for more information about Alopecia Areata and perhaps for support, I'd like to share a Facebook group that I am part of that has shed much needed light to our condition and what can be tried to help.

I'm a new member, but so far all I've been seeing are nice messages, helpful tips and doable recommendations. Please note that this is only for females, but if you're looking for a gender neutral group, I joined one too. I just haven't interacted here much.

I'm also a part of an all around female support group, which introduced me to a cool blog that I now visit daily. This group offers me good vibes and positivity everytime I drop by.

My mood is much, much better these days. Maybe it's the good food I've been preparing for myself lately, or if it's the medicine effects, or if it's just my outlook in general. Still not complaining. I hope this continues.

Here are my stats for today:

Weight
Mood
Temperature
Blood Pressure

See you next time!

P.S. I'll be using the abbreviation from now on to save space. CSC = Current State of the Crown
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Immortal:

Book 1: Hera and Zeus

An argument escalates to threatening in order to assure Zeus's power.

Book 8: Zeus threatens Hera again so that Hera doesn't interfere.


Mortal:

Book 3: Menelaus and Helen

Menelaus fights for Helen.

Book 6: Hector and Andromache

The two has a tender relationship.


Which marriage is a better example? Immortal or mortal marriage?

In my opinion, the mortal marriages are a better example, as they show that in a way, the men see their wives as equals and value them a lot. For example, in Book 3, we can see how much Menelaus wants Helen back, so much that a war was started for her and that he is willing to fight one on one just to get her back. Additionally, in Book 6, we see Hector and Andromache together on top on the Scaean Gates, where we witness their tenderness for each other. As for the immortal marriage, although we only see Zeus and Hera's relationship, which is mostly Zeus asserting his power over Hera and reiterating that he is more powerful. It is true, yes, but for a marriage, I find it less than appealing and I see marriages as an equal match.



How does an immortal/mortal man treat their women? Their enemies women?

The relationship between men and women are varied, depending on the culture, era and even upbringing. Some view women as the lesser sex, insisting on their dominance and authority. There are of course, men who see women as equals, with the same power and capabilities they have. In this essay, I would like to discuss how, in Iliad, immortal or mortal man treat their women and their enemies' women, detailing an argument that is as old as time itself.

The Iliad starts out with a fight between Achilles and Agamemnon over a girl, which leads to a break in their friendship and Achilles's desertion of the Greeks. Throughout the Iliad, the male and female interaction are few, but notable. In Book 1, we see how the captured women are treated -- as nothing more but prizes that can be traded or passed between two masters. Chryseis, being the daughter of a priest, was saved this fate by having Apollo on her side, but in return, we witnessed Briseis taking her place as Agamemnon's war prize. Do take note of how Achilles reacts to this as well; although he is unwilling, he gives up Briseis, nit because he wanted to protect her or because he values her, but because it would be a blow to his ego to surrender and pay for a sin he didn't commit. In the same book, we also see the relationship of male immortals with female immortals, particularly Zeus and Hera. While it is not blatantly mentioned, we can deduce that they are, in a way, husband and wife. This is supported by the other gods and goddesses referring to them and father and mother. Their relationship seems to be rocky at most, with Hera being a jealous and suspicious woman, and Zeus being dismissive and dominating. It comes to a point that Zeus had to threaten Hera and remind him of how much greater his power is over her. The said claim is supported by Hephaestus's statement too.

Going into Book 3, we encounter Menelaus, Helen and Paris. Menelaus, King of Sparta and rightful husband to Helen, goes to war against Troy, a city that has taken the Greek nearly ten years to subdue. The war is to recover Helen from Paris who has stolen her from Sparta. This is where we are shown either men's attitude towards Helen, their beloved. Menelaus steps up to fight for her, while Paris retreats in fear of Menelaus' righteous wrath. A good question to ask here is this; does Helen's Greek citizenship and bloodline determine who fights for her? Menelaus being Greek as well, is all out with the effort to recover her while Paris of Troy shows doubt and willingness to even face the opposing man for her. Is this a pattern we shall begin to see all throughout the poem? Protect our women and possessions at all costs while leave the enemies' women out in the open, treat them as slaves, as things?

We also see a bit of Zeus' affection for Hera, when we see Paris' escape with the help of Aphrodite. Zeus sends Athena to start the war again, because Hera will not settle for a mere truce. Hera wants Troy burned to the ground and Zeus, in a way grants her request.In the next books the war continue to gather intensity, so much so that the gods interfere and even take part in the war. Particularly in Book 5, we see a father-daughter relationship between Zeus and Aphrodite when the latter is wounded. Zeus warns Aphrodite not to engage in warfare, as she is after all, not a warrior god.

Book 6 features one of the fiercest Trojan heroes, Hector in a completely different light away from the war scene. He turns into an affectionate husband and father, meeting his wife and son, Andromache and Astyanax on top on the Scaean Gates. Judging from his wife's reaction with his insistence of returning to war, we can glimpse and perhaps assume that they have a mutual loving relationship. The setting of their meeting also gives us a minute hint of how important this relationship is.
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Yet another Dear Diary post.. Apologies for not blogging yesterday. Too caught up in events. I'm sorry if I'm, yet again, sharing too much on the internet.

You see, this is what remains of me online. In a way, I guess. I just deactivated my Facebook account and unplugged my simcard from my phone. Why? Well that's another issue.

We got into a fight (again) about my social life. I try my best to explain my side of the story but it seems like it's not coming through. It just.. goes in one ear and goes out the other.

For the guys who come across this post, please enlighten me why you can't seem to see the effort we girls do to be able to express ourselves but at the same time factor in your possible reactions and expectations. Why is it so hard for you to understand that you can't keep us in a box? That you can't mold us into the perfect woman for you? That we won't fit in?

Before we've even met you, we already have our own lives. Our own wants and needs. Our own hobbies. We have formed our opinions and our beliefs. We are already our own person. We have our own personality.

Then you come along and woo us, and get to know who we are. You say all these pretty words and tell us who accept us for who we are.. but don't do this and don't do that.

Why?

I don't get it.

I can adjust to a certain
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Before anything else, I just want to say that I appreciate all the messages I've been getting lately. I was so scared of judgment that I can seriously count on my fingers the number of people that I told about what is really going on with me. And even within that group, less than half knows what I'm going through. I'd like to say I've never missed a day of blogging ever since I got diagnosed, and these blog posts are connected with my Facebook profile. So everytime I posted here, it gets shared to my social media accounts. For some reason however, a photo album of the blog pictures get created rather than being under the Featured Image blog photo. Of course, my Facebook friends are seeing it and I've been receiving quite a lot of comments and personal messages about it. I really do appreciate every single message (and I am surprised I am receiving this much support), but messages like this just doesn't sit well with me.

    "Kung ano-ano kasi ginagawa mo sa buhok mo kaya nagtatampo." (Your hair is mad at you because you do so much to it.)

    "Ayan kase kulay ka ng kulay ng buhok mo." (That's the effect of always coloring your hair.)

    "Kung ano ano kasing kaartehan ginagawa mo kaya nagkakaganyan katawan mo." (You're too vain that's why that's why that's happening to you.)

    "Baka naman kung ano ano pinapahid o iniinom mo kaya nagkakaganyan." (You're using too many cosmetics or taking too many unnecessary things which is why that's happening.)
Or something along those lines.

Look, not that I want to look ungrateful to the attention and support that I am currently experiencing, but I would love it if people would ask first what's happening and why it's happening rather than immediately pointing fingers. It does nothing to improve the situation. It just makes you look like a jerk, which I know you're not.

I know you're trying to tell me that you care and hope for my wellbeing, but saying those things just doesn't do it. There's absolutely nothing wrong with just saying "I'm here for you." or "You can get through this." or any other paraphrasing or translation of that statement. That alone is enough, and much more appreciate than you blaming me for a condition whose reasons can't even be explained by science.

With that rant aside, I'd like to report a pretty awesome day today. I was able to drop by the grocery store and purchase a few things that I wanted and needed, like food and spices. I bought rice, bread, cheese, sweet potatoes, cooking oil, bullion cubes, sesame seeds, paprika, ginger and turmeric powder. Then I also bought some more vegetables in the wet market near my apartment and I cooked pinakbet. I wish I took photos but it doesn't really seem photo-friendly for me. That didn't stop me from finishing everything though. I don't know if it was because I was hungry or because I made good pinakbet on my first try.

I made some spiced tea to go with my healthy lunch too. I brewed green tea and added turmeric, ginger, cinammon and a tiny bit of brown sugar. I know I said I wouldn't try anything else aside from the medication I am currently on, but I don't think it would hurt to try and live a little healthier. I also really liked this tea that I had it twice. I don't know what to call it though. Spiced Tea?

Another thing I'd also like to share is the amazing boost of self-love and care that I experienced. Not only did I cook a healthy lunch and prepare herbal tea, I also took a shower twice in a row since my hair started falling out.

I became wary of taking daily showers when my hairfall intensified because I was scared of more hair falling out. I know, I was instructed not to skip showers to heal the dandruff that was starting on my scalp when I got diagnosed, but I just can't. Everytime I see and feel the hair strands shedding I just don't want to mess with it. That's why when I got the courage to take a shower, I did. I made sure to use moisturizer afterwards too and I felt really refreshed. I also made sure all traces of makeup was removed and used a sheet mask instead of just using a makeup wipe and going to sleep. I think yesterday was my best sleep in a long time. Not to mention -- my hair fall significantly lessened today.

I think it's both the effect of my thyroid levels normalizing and the corticosteroids calming down my immune system. I'm not complaining. I'm enjoying effects of actually feeling normal again. I wasn't able to get my vital stats checked, but I promise I do those tomorrow.

I'm also planning to move my blog to Blogger, because I do want to monetize my blog without having to purchase a hosting plan on Wordpress. I have tried to figure out how to do it, but I think it will all boil down to moving it manually, post by post -- which I'm not too excited about, but I think this would be a great way to revamp and streamline my blog. I will keep you all posted, as always.
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Right now I feel terrified.

It seems like the amount of regrowth that I have does not equate to hair that I am losing.

My spots are getting bigger.

But I have to trust the process.

I am seeing and feeling stubble, and I do know that it is growing back.. or maybe I am just telling myself that. I do not know.

I do hope that it is regrowth though.

I can’t believe it took me this kind of a wakeup call just for me to realize that I do have a condition that I must be wary about. That I do have to take care of myself, and that there’s something wrong with me, but it’s manageable.

Here’s a little comparison photo by the way.  These pictures are taken within the same month – one of my friends who loved playing with my hair found a mole on my scalp. I didn’t know I had one, so I asked her to take a photo of it. It’s a shocking difference of how my scalp looks like now. It’s a very blurry photo, because I didn’t really care to see it clearly, I just wanted proof of the mole, that it’s actually there.

Still, it’s painful to see the difference.. I guess I just have to have faith and keep on taking care of myself and following doctor’s orders regarding my condition.


[gallery ids="2539,2689" type="square" columns="2"]



I will get past this.
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I spent the weekend in an emotional rollercoaster. I spent Friday extremely productive. I booked an appointment with a dentist (this is long overdue) and an gynecologist (because it's about damn time and I've read about the possible links of AA and the female parts). I finished about half of my laundry load, I deep cleaned my bathroom and I tried new (vegetarian!!) recipes.

Then from that lovely light feeling of productivity, I fell in a deep ugly crying session. I cried about my hair (surprise surprise), asking the cliche "Why me?", mourning for my hair generally. Then I fell asleep and when I woke up I drafted about six blog posts.

Pretty much still losing quite a bit of hair at this point. I fell asleep without even changing into lounge clothes so of course I wasn't able to shower. I woke up with an itchy scalp which went away after my first corticosteroids dosage. Fucking little pills punch a bitter explosion. I either take it with milk or a literal sugar spoonful. That's the only thing that can mask the taste right away. Kind of like chasing a tequila shot with lemon and salt.

    12/13/18
    01/14/18

Same routine. I was writing nonstop in my journal, noting various "remedies" and "cures" I was able to find on the internet and judging whether I am willing to try them or not. I'll share the information I've gathered in another blog post I guess. Then come the afternoon and I was bawling again. I don't even know the reason why. Perhaps it was my hair again, or I was feeling so hopeless about my situation, or my monthly visitor is just wrecking havoc.

The 14th of January was yet another productive day. A productive no-sleep day because it was back to work for me come midnight. So yeah.

    2nd day to wear a bonnet

Now I'm sitting here in my station wearing my bonnet and having a full face of makeup on. I styled my hair into two braids and just pinned the loose ends up and put on my bonnet. Then I made my face up. Defined eyes, blinding highlight, bold lips, the works. Probably not the best idea, but whatever. I need a confidence boost.

And I need a nap, I'm literally passing out. BRB in 45 minutes.

Okay, back.

Once I had my face made up, I realized that this may not be so bad. It opened up a lot of opportunities for me. Opportunities that I didn't even think of before, like wigs, hats, etc. I even got back into wearing makeup, which is really nice. I missed doing my makeup. I just have to choose between using makeup and trying out a new skincare routine. I'm not sure if it's okay to use makeup with new skincare routine.

So... now my goals are to make myself better. Maybe it's taking care of my skin, or making my skin color even. Or maybe creating new makeup looks. Or experimenting with wigs. That's another thing I wanted to talk about.

I was inquiring about a wig, and the conversation was going well until we talked about prices. It felt like a poisoned arrow when I realized how much my hair would have been worth if this didn't happen. I wouldn't need to look into wigs or anything at all and just be.. normal.

But right now I'm not and I have to deal with it. Diosmio, what a mess I have gotten myself into.

But is it really my fault? That my immune system decided it's a good idea to attack my own body? Perhaps, since this pretty much means that I wasn't taking care of myself.. Or maybe not, because genetic lottery is just not on my side in this lifetime.

In any case, let's deal with it.

Oh, and for my vital stats, I wasn't able to track those these weekend since I didn't have any means to. Resuming those tomorrow.

Sources: Advanced Hair Clinics and National Center for Biotechnology Information
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Most of the below contain adult scenes, so proceed with caution. I give the rating listed by each separate site’s rating scheme, so as usual, AO3′s “M” may not be equivalent to fanfiction.net’s “M.” This list will be updated as I continue my forays into the depths of the Dramione fandom. If you have anything to add, message me and I’ll take a look!

One-Shots



Beautiful Enigma by mister_otter [M]


A Victorian historical AU: one of my few exceptions to a general dislike of the Veela fic.



Claiming Draco Malfoy by pagan [E]


Ah, the “marriage of convenience” trope is one of my favorites, and this is one of the best fics I’ve read featuring this little plot device. The emotion is almost tangible.

Dirty Little Secrets by Eilonwy [MA]

The “fake marriage" trope is always a good idea, and this is no exception.

First Thursdays by thesydda [E]

I love the idea of an established Granger/Malfoy friendship, and this nails it.



Graveyard Valentine by Bex-chan [M]


An unconventional structure with an extremely slow burn, if you’re going temporally. 

Minimal Risk by galfoy [M]

As Ron and Hermione’s relationship falls apart, Draco courts her one day a year. Draco’s characterization in this is spot-on.



Siren Song by Captainraychill [E]


One of my favorite dark!AUs. The tone and imagery are fantastic.



Strings on us by Arcacia [M]

A dazzlingly abstract and somewhat confusing look at the red string of fate legend.

The Endless In Between by Darkrivertempest [E]

Another historical AU going through multiple lifetimes.

I’m a sucker for historical AUs, and this one takes the cake in terms of both breadth and realism.

Multi-Chapters

Finished



A Muggle-born Magic by Musyc [MA]


A lovely Regency-era AU, one of the few I like that deal with Scorpius.



Bad Faith by Morrighan256 [M]

Draco and Hermione are forced to work together, and eventually fall in love: this trope is another staple, and this is certainly one of the best.



Cruel and Beautiful World by Lena Phoria [M]


Dark, but so, so good. Contains mention of rape, murder, torture, etc., so be wary if you’re squeamish.

Find Your Way Back by Musyc [E]

Anything by Musyc is amazing, and this is no exception. I love EWE Ministry fics, and this is one of the best.



Isolation by Bex-chan [M]

Another staple of any Dramione fic rec list. My recommended introduction to the wonderful world of Dramione if you’re new to the ship.



The Captive’s Dream by Elysium [MA]


Another Regency!AU, and a fantastic one at that.

The Fallout by everythursday [MA]

Seriously, does The Fallout really need a review? It’s more or less the gold standard of Dramione: I dare you to find a fic rec list without this on it. For once, the hype truly is real. Enough said. It is longer than the first three Harry Potter books combined, so prepare for a time commitment. 



The Politician’s Wife by pir8fancier [MA]


Cheating, as well as hilarity. Just amazing.



The Practice of Deceit by Eilonwy [MA]


How To Lose a Guy in Ten Days, Dramione-style.

Thirteenth Night by nelpher [MA]

Another classic of Dramione. Amnesia and ice cream: what more could you want?

We Learned the Sea by luckei1 [T]

One of the few stories I’ve been able to get through without gratuitous smut, which is saying something. Characterization is spot-on, and it’s hilarious to boot.

Unfinished



Bookworm and the Beast by JustRaeInc [M]


Head Boy/Head Girl fics are usually horribly cliché, but this one pulls it off.



Disasterology by provocative_envy [E]


I’m not much a fan of Veela fics, but this is one of the few exceptions. The writing is phenomenal. 

Midnight by Kicaelum [M]

One of those fics you almost don’t want to read because you’ll be heartbroken when you realize it’s unfinished. This one is worth it, though.



Tender Vengeance by Margot Le Faye [MA]


For some reason, the captive!Hermione fic is pretty common. I love Hermione and Ginny’s relationship in this.

The Complexity of Carnal Knowledge by AkashaTheKitty [MA]

Draco and Hermione are forced to work together to round up Death Eaters. Smut ensues. One of my favorites by AkashaTheKitty.
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I came across Michael Hyatt’s blog post about making an ideal week, suppose you have 100% control of how your time is spent. The idea is that since time is a resource, it will be treated as a resource, and is allotted to certain “departments”.

As Michael Hyatt explained it,

    My Ideal Week—the week I would live if I could control 100% of what happens—is divided into a simple grid. Each day has a theme. In addition, each day is segmented according to a specific focus area.

My week looks entirely different now, compared to how my spreadsheet would have looked like a few months back. I actually made another one that’ll show how may have looked like if I went back to school this semester. (I filed for a leave of absence -- that’s another blog post)

Anyway, let’s focus on the spreadsheet that I’ll actually be using.



My day theme is right above the days of the week.

My Sundays are dedicated to tying up loose ends (errands, week calibration) and taking a bit of time for myself (devotion, meditation, etc) before I go back to the workforce.

My Mondays and Wednesdays are my routine days -- work, home, meditate, relax and sleep. I think this would boost my stress management skills and reinforce the thought that I have an outlet, writing.

My Tuesdays and Thursdays are my fitness days -- I’d like to take some time from my day to be active for one and a half hour -- be it power walking or actually going to the gym. I intend to eat a little healthier these days as well.

My Fridays are reserved for house keeping like groceries, planning out the week, cleaning, etc. Mostly groceries, as it would be time and energy efficient (the market is on my way home and it’s my first rest day)

My Saturdays are my creative days. I am refreshed from getting more sleep and I have a plan to follow for my posts. This is the day that I consider my “cheat day” as I won’t impose any time for sleep. More flexibility.

My focus areas are on the first row. The time blocks of my week are color coordinated with my focus areas. I modified this part to reflect my week instead of following the template Michael Hyatt used because I have a different shift schedule. I just made sure to give myself ample time to wind down before sleeping and roughly the same time waking up to create a routine.

One thing I also learned from his blog post was to make hard boundaries, which I can only explain as "Once work time is up, stop working.". Each of my focus points are also there to be used as my guidelines, and not set rules. I believe this would help me this year because there’s more flexibility with the periods, unlike when I had every hour assigned to a task. Now, I can just refer to my Ideal Week and see if the task on hand is in line with my goals. If yes, then I decide where to put it in. If no, then it’s taken off the priority list and revisited sometime later. I made sure to allot large blocks for rest and relaxation. I think with my current condition, I need all the chill I can get.

I also used the notes feature of Google Spreadsheets to insert any snippets that I do have to remember such as medicine doses and writing prompts. When I print this out, I’ll just use a ticker or a post it for reminders.

I foresee that having a routine and a template to follow will lessen my stress levels because I don’t need to brainstorm what to do first. I can just assign tasks to their corresponding time blocks and deal with it when the said time block comes up. It will allow me to focus on specific tasks for specific time periods which I believe will increase my productivity greatly.


I plan to implement this by next week and document my progress. Just as I always do.
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    Smiling despite being heartbroken.




I have come to the point that I can no longer style my hair to hide the spots.

Still, the fear of people knowing or being curious strikes fear in my heart.

Fear of judgment. Fear of gossip. Fear of pity.

But what can I do?

Not covering it up would invite much more questions.

    Highly visible bald spot.
I've been listening to a motivational podcasts lately and one thing stands out.

    Fear becomes progress and struggle is beautiful.

I have an ongoing battle within me, the good wolf and the bad wolf. Both of them ready to kill each other any minute of the day. Both are mortally wounded but neither have any indication of backing down.

Spotify: Motivational Podcast Playlist by Landon Lynn Clark

Everytime I listen to these podcasts, I see in my mind's eye that the good wolf is growing bigger, stronger, fiercer than the bad wolf. Everytime I get lost in my thoughts, the bad wolf growls louder and prouder. There have been multiple times the bad wolf has grown so big the good wolf looked like a newborn pup.

But somehow, the good wolf slowly recovers and catches up with the bad wolf.

I almost let the bad wolf win earlier. I was so fearful of what other people are going to say that I almost didn't want to go. But I have to, and so I did. I'm so proud of myself.

But now I'm here.

Standing strong and facing all these struggles. One day at a time, one step at a time.

Lately I've been researching so much about my condition, learning about any possible cure (there's none), chances of relapse, chances of passing it down, possible causes, diets or regimens that I can try.. All sorts of things that I can do to help myself.

Looking for something that can help me step up, get up, rise up.

The common denominator is to take care of myself. To realize and remember that I am a human being, I have limits, I need down time.

    I am proud of myself.

I am proud of being able to push myself farther and harder in everything I do. I am proud of creating me.

    But I am not proud of abusing myself.

There's a thin line between pushing limits and abusing capabilities.

I very well believe that I abused my capabilities. To bounce back, to endure, to ignore.

How will I proceed?

I'm not really sure right now.

But sure enough, I will overcome this.

I decided to start with making an effort to keep myself healthy. I got a new Fitbit Zip for starters.

    New Fitbit :)

As for the actual Current State of the Crown, here we go;

    01/11/18
    Weight: 53.2kg
    Mood: Flatline
    Temperature: 36°C
    Blood Pressure: 100/80

I think I'll also add in a screenshot of my Fitbit Dashboard somewhere.

Regarding my second day of taking corticosteroids, I feel mildly bloated and my favorite shirt feels a bit too tight on me. I don't really have an appetite as well. I think I've eaten less that a thousand calories yesterday.

The ointment is still the same -- meh.

I skipped the medicated shampoo today, as I'm only to use it MWF. So I used the gentlest shampoo I have, Johnson's Baby Shampoo.

I still have a lot of shedding though, and even thinner hair. Oh well.


I guess I have nothing else to do but take care of myself and as always, trust the process.

Note: These Current State of the Crown Posts are posted a day late. Please refer to the date noted in the post instead of the date the post went live.
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So I decided to make a blog series about my experience with Alopecia Areata, starting with out with my hair's current state and some progress pictures.

I will also be sharing with you my trichoscopy photos and how my medication is affecting me. I'm hoping to make this a daily post, but will most likely be an every other day thing. I still want to post about different things and I have a couple of posts that I am pretty excited to post about.

So, let's get started.


As mentioned in my previous post, I was diagnosed with Alopecia Areata on the 9th of January, 2017 by my father's cousin, Dr. Felix Paolo Lizarondo. If you need a friendly, understanding and knowledgeable dermatologist based here in the Philippines, I highly recommend him!



Just a heads up, some people may be a bit grossed out by the next pictures, which are my trichoscopy photos.

Trichoscopy is a hair and scalp evaluation technique which helps in distinguishing conditions like Alopecia Areata and and Telogen Effluvium in my case. These are usually 10-fold or 70-fold magnifications but I think mine is just 10-fold.

The red flags of alopecia areata are visibly noticeable on my scalp, such as the exclamation mark hairs, coudability hairs and broken ends or what I used to call regrowth. I included a photo from the internet for comparison.








I also have the yellow dots and black dots, indicative of hyperkeratotic plugs and destroyed hair follicles.



Hyperkeratotic plugs are an indication of a presence of an abnormal quantity of keratin resulting in rough, cone-shaped, elevated papules. The openings are often closed with a white plug of encrusted sebum.



As for the scaling and irritated parts of my scalp, those are mostly after effects of me not washing my hair everyday -- resulting in itchy scalp, dandruff and icky stuff.

Now that we have that laid out, let me show you how my hair currently looks now, fresh out of the shower.

01/10/18

I have Diffuse Alopecia Areata, so rather than having patches of bald spots, I have very noticeable thinning all over.

Here are photos taken in a similar fashion so you can see the progression easily.
       






I have a very active case of DAA , which is why Dr. Lizarondo decided to act fast and prompt my system to hit the brakes. I was prescribed corticosteroids to be taken daily for 2 weeks. I started taking them on the 10th of January 2017 and holy fuck I wish I was warned about the taste. And the after taste. and the after after taste. Heck, even my burps taste like it !! The only thing that was able to "extinguish" the taste was a cup of milk.

I was told to monitor myself for anything out of the ordinary, and girl, I took that to heart. I am now monitoring my weight, mood, temperature and blood pressure.

    01/10/18
    Weight: 53kg
    Mood: Irritable
    Temperature:
    Blood Pressure:120/90

I think I'll monitor my water intake and food intake as well. Just for shits and giggles. I mean, I used to, and I don't know why I stopped. Life, I guess.

I was also prescribed a topical scalp ointment, calcium and Vitamin D supplements and a medicated shampoo. Let me just quote my journal entry for my first impressions regarding these products.

    ...the shampoo, well, it's medicated. What can I do. The smell is not too bad and it doesn't really linger. No irritation so far, except for a teeny sore bump I had on my nape after shower. It's gone now though. The shampoo felt a little weird when I washed it off though, as if my scalp absorbed the bubbles and it's just some viscous liquid that I applied. The cream is.. satisfactory, for the price. Come on. It cost nearly 3k for that tiny bottle! Of course I expected at the very least a cooling sensation, or a nice scent, or something. But no. It was just a semi clear gel that smelled literally invisible and felt like nothing when I applied it. Just a bit greasier.

To end this, I'm just a bit disheartened to know that it's not recommended to use a hair concealer or spray to hide the obvious balding spots yet, as it may interfere and contaminate my scalp and treatment. I mean, it's for vanity purposes, yes, and I know why it's not recommended, but your girl needs a little boost you know? I can't live in hoodies and not going out forever. Which means 2-3 months, since that's how long it takes for hair to actually and noticeably grow back.

Do I have anything else to say?

Hmm. Nope. Don't think so. I guess I can always add it in if needed.

That ends the first Current State of the Crown, meeting adjourned.

Information provided by my doctor, American Academy of Dermatology, Philippine Society of Cutaneous Medicine and National Alopecia Areata Foundation.
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 Smiling despite being heartbroken.

I have come to the point that I can no longer style my hair to hide the spots.

Still, the fear of people knowing or being curious strikes fear in my heart.

Fear of judgment. Fear of gossip. Fear of pity.

But what can I do?

Not covering it up would invite much more questions.

  Highly visible bald spot.

I’ve been listening to a motivational podcasts lately and one thing stands out.

Fear becomes progress and struggle is beautiful.

I have an ongoing battle within me, the good wolf and the bad wolf. Both of them ready to kill each other any minute of the day. Both are mortally wounded but neither have any indication of backing down.

Spotify: Motivational Podcast Playlist  by Landon Lynn Clark

Everytime I listen to these podcasts, I see in my mind’s eye that the good wolf is growing bigger, stronger, fiercer than the bad wolf. Everytime I get lost in my thoughts, the bad wolf growls louder and prouder. There have been multiple times the bad wolf has grown so big the good wolf looked like a newborn pup.

But somehow, the good wolf slowly recovers and catches up with the bad wolf.

I almost let the bad wolf win earlier. I was so fearful of what other people are going to say that I almost didn’t want to go. But I have to, and so I did. I’m so proud of myself.

But now I’m here.

Standing strong and facing all these struggles. One day at a time, one step at a time.

Lately I’ve been researching so much about my condition, learning about any possible cure (there’s none), chances of relapse, chances of passing it down, possible causes, diets or regimens that I can try.. All sorts of things that I can do to help myself.

Looking for something that can help me step up, get up, rise up.

The common denominator is to take care of myself. To realize and remember that I am a human being, I have limits, I need down time.

I am proud of myself.

I am proud of being able to push myself farther and harder in everything I do. I am proud of creating me.

But I am not proud of abusing myself.

There’s a thin line between pushing limits and abusing capabilities.

I very well believe that I abused my capabilities. To bounce back, to endure, to ignore.

How will I proceed?

I’m not really sure right now.

But sure enough, I will overcome this.

I decided to start with making an effort to keep myself healthy. I got a new Fitbit Zip for starters.

New Fitbit 🙂

As for the actual Current State of the Crown, here we go;

01/11/18
Weight:
Mood: Flatline
Temperature:
Blood Pressure:

I think I’ll also add in a screenshot of my Fitbit Dashboard somewhere.

Regarding my second day of taking corticosteroids, I feel mildly bloated and my favorite feels a bit too tight on me. I don’t really have an appetite as well. I think I’ve eaten less that a thousand calories yesterday.

The ointment is still the same — meh.

I skipped the medicated shampoo today, as I’m only to use it MWF. So I used the gentlest shampoo I have, Johnson’s Baby Shampoo.

I still have a lot of shedding though, and even thinner hair. Oh well.

mde

dav

I guess I have nothing else to do but take care of myself and as always, trust the process.

Note: These Current State of the Crown Posts are posted a day late. Please refer to the date noted in the post instead of the date the post went live.

Fear becomes progress and struggle is beautiful. I have come to the point that I can no longer style my hair to hide the spots.
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