Hypothyroidism, Unproductiveness and Franco's Music | Life 2017

It's okay not to be okay.

I have been staring at this blank screen for over 15 minutes.

Not knowing what to write.
What to say.
What to do.

The words are in my head, but my hands seem to be blocking the flow.

The only thing I feel.. The only thing that's keeping me sane right now is Franco's music. The steady flow of beat and rhythm keeps me going. The smooth roll of their voices guide me to move forward, one step at a time.

I have never had any music make me feel this way. At a time like this, when I know I am having issues, it's a great comfort to know I can feel this way just by plugging in my earphones.

I have had this hunch for quite some time, ever since I have read about it from a Thyroidism book. That what I have been feeling is not my fault. I have not done anything wrong, but is merely how I am programmed to work.

I have acquired hypothyroidism, having had hereditary hyperthyroidism. That means they weren't able to treat my hyperthyroidism so they "killed" my hyperactive thyroid to turn it hypo-active or literally non existent. That's how I acquired hypothyroidism. I now take levothyroxine sodium and have been on maintenance levothyroxine since I was 12. I'm 21 now, that's 9 (going 10) years on being dependent on medication to make sure everything inside me is doing okay. There have been periods in my life that I have been taking the incorrect dosage which I can associate with my entire mood being absolute shit. During the times I have the correct dosage, I was very productive.

This past year, I have been inconsistent with taking my medication and going to check-ups. Could it be that I am lacking with my hormones again? Could this be the reason why I can't get my life together?

Only consistency will tell.

I have a medical appointment set next week, I hope my questions will be answered, and with those answers I long to be able to finally live the life I have always imagined.

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