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Dear Discouraged Me | Life 2017

Dear Discouraged Me,

I know you never wanted this. I know you never imagined your life like this.

Your gradeschool dream was to be a fashion designer. In high school you wanted to be film director. In college you wanted to be a supermodel.

Look where you are now.

An independent and self-reliant young woman who is on her way to be a graduate of one of the prestigious schools in the country. Not only that, your grades aren't just "passing". Girl, you're fucking flying with colors. You would even be on the President's List and a Latin Honor candidate if not for that 3.5 from Math I (then again, that's math, I understand.). Oh, did I mention you just submitted your work for the Palanca Awards? How about that you're doing all that while working a full-time job? And that you're this close to a 5-digit promotion?

A Google search of your name establishes your online presence (which is not just a social media presence, but an influencer presence). Yes, just in case you aren't busy enough with your school work and your workload, you added being a blogger and Youtuber into the mix. Your schedule has no time for sleep because you have work in the evening, school in the afternoon and blog events in between. Sleep basically means naps in 30-45 minute Uber rides, one hour breaks from work and 3-4 during rest days because you still have to film, edit and keep your apartment an organized home.. (because dishes and laundry don't wash themselves anymore)

At 21 you already have shares in the stocks and mutual funds, a savings account that grows .375% per annum, and you are already checking the real estate market for possible investments. Before I forget, your paintings also bring in 4 digits at the very least.You pay for your own bills, by your own hard-earned money. That overflowing makeup collection? Yeah, that's all from your own pocket too.

All these positive scripting doesn't hide the fact that you're all alone in a time you need all the support you can get. You went from a 16-year-old mind in a 19-year-old body to 20-something young woman who keeps super detailed household and finance books. You know where every centavo comes from and where it goes, you know when the last piece of bread was eaten and when the salt shaker was replenished. You went from "I wanna be teenage forever'' to "I'm adulting and I don't know what the fuck I'm doing".

You may go to work and classes disheveled and in "pajama" clothes, which is so different from how you were two years ago.. and you may miss that prettified, dressed up office girl.. but remember. Looks can be deceiving and you still know how to glow the fuck up. You may be falling asleep two hours in your shift but that's because you spent a good part of your "sleep hours" answering sponsorship and promotional emails and sending out business proposals or submitting homework and planning out term paper outlines. You may sometimes miss a few deadlines in school but that's because you were out covering events and earning up to 4 digits each post and photo.

You may miss your college self where you spent your school days "working" and being glammed up for the camera, going on auditions and interviews and earning up to 5x your weekly allowance in a day.. You may miss having Nanay and Tatay in the house to cook for you and clean up after you.. You may miss having actual free time and a social life that doesn't include meeting up for coffee and writing a 5-page paper due in 24 hours.. You may miss having 2 hours to glam up in the morning.. You may miss a carefree life in the province with everything already set up for you..

You may miss everything you used to have and that's okay.

Who you used to be is what built the foundation of who you are now.

You are strong, efficient and well versed in current events. You are like an autonomous country, you can decide for yourself and for your own good. You know what's best for you. You know what can make you ultimately happy. You have a good head on your shoulders, filled with facts, knowledge and street smarts. And no matter how much you deny it, I sincerely believe you inherited some business smarts from your Nanay Ganda and sipag-diskarte skills from Tatay Pogi.

Some days you have to scrimp and save until the next payday, some days you have no time or appetite to eat, some days you just want to quit and go back home.. just like today.

Again, that's okay.

Take a deep breath, leave all the deadlines and emails and paperwork at home, take a long, warm shower... maybe spend an afternoon in a coffee shop reading a YA book, or how about spending a weekend in the province?

Just recharge.

Tomorrow when you wake up, you'll be good as new, ready to beat your deadlines (which happen to be all on the same day) one by one.

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