Stupid, stupid pride | Literature 2017

It’s been a long time since I was made a post like this.. I don’t even remember trying to post like this, like actually trying to put my thoughts on paper. I don’t even see myself as someone who can organize my thoughts.

It’s over. I broke it off. The sad thing is I don’t even know why. So I guess that’s a fuckup on my part. Getting carried away by my emotions. I don’t even know what we fought about, or why. It doesn’t seem like a big deal anymore. But I guess things are like that. Things have to end. Even if you’ve given your absolute best.

I guess I have to start learning how to be alone again. Literally, irrevocably alone. Just like the old times. All I need to think about is myself and no one else. That should be good. This time I can focus on myself. Too bad I’m starting to feel like this is a bad idea and that this is the start of something that feels very familiar.

Like that point in my life that I had to be taken into a hospital because of my pride and stupidity. I guess the what I have to make sure of this time is that I make damn well sure I head for another part of the hospital.

*sigh* I’s love to say “| wonder” but I really don’t. I know why, and I know how. It’s because of stupid, stupid pride that I’ve lost the people I love. Stupid, stupid pride that makes me build walls upon walls upon walls. But I guess that’s how I am, and it’s really hard to change that. I thought I found someone who can at least understand and work through it, but I guess not. So that leads me here. And it leads to the end.

So farewell dreams of forever. I knew from the start you didn’t exist.

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