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Life Update (where I'm starting) | Life 2017

Three days into this blogging challenge and I've already hit a writer's block. I'm so rusty when it comes to writing..

As of the moment, I'm very very sleepy. I went to bed late and got up early.. and not to mention that my day is very unproductive.. Seems like all I do is sleep and work. Sleep and work. Occasional classes here and there. But outside that, nothing.

I miss painting, singing, going out with friends, exploring hidden places and being in nature. I miss doing something else besides work.

this is what my “studio” looked like back home



I miss modelling!



But I guess I can't be choosy right now huh?

I need to work because I have been fully independent since I was 19. Kind of not a big deal for some, but here in the Philippines (and in my little secluded probinsya), it is a huge deal. My situation right now is something to gossip about.

Why?

Mostly because I'm from the kind of family that puts a great amount of emphasis on education, awards and following the ideal path. You know, study hard, graduate with honors, get a well-paying job, marry, have kids, etc. The typical Asian route.

And then there's me, who got the order mixed up.

I would call myself the black sheep of the family (or the one who manifests the underlying family issues) because I feel like everyone placed all their bets on me, provided me with everything I needed and I just went to the road less traveled. I mean, I'm 21. I should've had my degree and gearing up to take my liscensure exam, but here I am.

3 dropped courses, taking up another one with high chances of failing, in debt and working my ass off to no avail.

I feel like such a failure, but I know where I am right now is my choice and my salvation. If I didn't make those choices previously, I would have been the perfect daughter right now, but I would also be miserable and way worse than I am right now. I would have a degree, but a degree that I would have zero passion about. I would have been preparing for a liscensure exam that I would have no use of or maybe not preparing for it at all. I would've hustled to get a degree that would just gather dust on our wall. Then after graduation, what? PMA? Pahinga muna anak?

Or maybe I wouldn't even have reached that point.

Or maybe I would've carved a very different future for myself. One that sounds way more glamorous than what I have right now, but also way more dangerous. And destructive.

So many possibilities, but no regrets. I know I'm right here, right now, for a purpose, and He has a bigger plan for me. I just need to figure it out.

Hmm. This post doesn't seem like a life update an at all, so let me dish those details out real quick.

I'm still working at the same place, taking up the same course and planning to take a break next semester.. Depending on the subjects that will be offered. I was too burnt out by the second semester that it affected my third semester and I have literally zero energy to finish my tasks. How shameful right? I'm wasting money with what I'm doing. I'm wasting my own hard earned money, and that hurts. A lot.

So I guess this is where I'm starting? Little Lost Me, with a Big Confidence Lost, in a huge corporate world? I don't even know if I make sense right now.

Basta, whatever happens I'm pushing through all this and I will exceed all expectations!

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