I miss you

 I have flashbacks of smiles and carefree laughter

Of giggles and snuggles and bedtime stories

Of frilly dresses and Mary-Jane shoes with stockings

I look at dozens of pictures in albums

Then I catch myself wondering..

Where did this girl go?

The little girl who never stopped smiling

Never stopped playing, dreaming, creating

The one who wrote a dozen of stories

Even a book I only remember the title of

She was blessed and praised and was the talk of the town

She wore pretty things and even a crown

She had a lot of friends, always in sleepovers

The center of attention, pretty pretty eyes

What happened to her?

Her family broke, she didn’t notice at all

Except maybe that last memory of her mom

They were fighting, arguing, she doesn’t understand

They wanted her to choose, but what can she do?

In the end her fate is not in her own hands

Time passed and she began to forget

Those bad memories tucked away

They moved in a new town, and she was happy to start over

She even changed the way she wrote her letters

She fully believed she was beautiful, she was invincible

But reality is about to burst that bubble

She’s sick, there are complications

Pretty pretty eyes became eyes of the devil

Clear milky skin turned dark and rocky and scaly

Long straight hair became short and lice-y

She’s no longer beautiful.

No longer the center of attraction, but the center of teasing

Turned down in favor of another, lost in her new world

Soon after, the defenseless became defensive, the prey the predator

It’s her turn to hurt other and make herself feel better

She built walls upon walls of cold and mean stares

Walls upon walls to hide her broken self

She turned against her bestfriends in favor of bad company

Joined a group that did nothing good

She thought she was rising, emerging like Aphrodite

Instead she felt fake and hollow

Slowly but surely this world crumbled, until she got back home

Craving for attention she was eager to please

Eager to do the right things, to be back on top 

But it was not to be.

She made new friends, and then lost them

She learned new things.

She was loved, then she was hated.

She rediscovered who she really is.

She’s not pretty, but she was confident

She wasn’t a stunner, but she’ll grow on you

She’s not straight a’s but she’s witty

Not funny but endearing.

She almost found herself.. Just almost.

Change is the only constant, and change yet again happened

New school, old faces. New faces, old grudges.

The first time she thought about it, she wrote it down

It was her birthday, but somehow she forgot it

But even will all her efforts she was still looked over

People still didn’t notice her.

She gained friends and lost them, made a lot of wrong choices

Tried to redeem herself but failing

I guess she’s just not for these kind of people

She almost did it, but she wasn’t too sure, so she dropped it.

Back to where she came from, she realized she had friends who were waiting

For once she was happy, she felt she belonged

With music and makeup and a camera on a tripod

She felt like she could be anything, and saw that there was a future

She started to dream

She dreamed of being with someone she loves

Of seeing her name on the big screen

Of being recognized on the street, and people asking for her signed name

She dreamed of a big house with a room just for books

Just for music and just for herself

She wrote songs and made mini movies

She learned how to play and how to sing

She poured her heart and soul out on paper

She dedicated her life to others

School on Monday to Friday, and out again before Friday ended

Only home by Sunday for a good night’s sleep, and then repeat

She learned that she can make someone beautiful as well

She has something others didn’t

She was smart with colors, and textures and paints

She can make her ideas came alive

She saw other recognize her talent

For once she felt secure and safe

They recognize her, they see here, they pay attention

Fame.

She wanted it, she yearned it, that should hers

Fame, fame, fame. 

Her chance came, in the city

There she was called really pretty

With a few friends of hers, fashion was her poison

She was going to be big star soon

I guess she wasn’t built for it, she was missing something

She talent and confidence and everything else

But she lacked guidance and support from her elders

Or maybe she just didn’t heed those

It’s truly a hazy part of her story

Soon she was losing weight, she was stick thin

She saw herself as fatty but in reality she was skinny

She was losing friends again, losing control 

She was getting bruises from someone overall

She trusted and believed in cold, hard lies

She turned to vices and bad old friends

Back in the dark with her doe eyed innocence

All in all it was pretty rough ride

It was a fun while it lasted but she didn’t know what to do anymore

And so she chose to sleep and woke up somewhere else

Her family was complete, she was safe again

Back home she went, to lullabies and swings

She felt secure and nothing could harm her

This is her sanctuary

Everyone helped her move on, the past is past

Tomorrow’s a new day, you have a bright future

It’s going to be okay. 

She even a guy who treated her right

Who was willing to wait and understand her plight

Someone who cared and believed in her

Just like how her family did

He even got along well with them,

Always around and always within

It was perfect, what a time to leave

And leave she did for a trial run

A trial run that lasted till now

So many unfinished things have been left

Not too much detail, let’s just say once again

Someone special broke her heart again

Someone capable of sparking fear and respect in one glance

Someone she looked up to and wished to be him

Someone with secrets she wished she didn’t know

Someone she believed in, and failed her somehow.

Down, down she went the rabbit hole

She wanted to disappear, but her mind just couldn’t let go

Stay, stay, stay, you can get over this

It ruined her you see, almost kicked out her sanity

Her perfect world completely fell to ruins

She didn’t know what to do again

Always and always, she was clueless

Always and always she was in the dark

Always and always relying on her wits

She has to rebuild from this

She took the stones, tried to build walls back up

But no, he always crashed them down

Enough of the walls, enough of the hate

Enough with bottling your emotions and pain

Let go. Let them all go and start over.

We can start over. From the bottom up.

We’re in this together, you’re no longer alone

I won’t judge you or change you

I’ll be here all through out.

With those words she believed again

She reconnected with everyone important.

With those people tried and tested and true.

She’ll be okay.

Although, browsing through the albums again, she can’t help but say

I miss you.